A New Future
by twilightscallingme
Summary: AU: Edward never came back for Bella, but an attack left her changed. 50 years later, what happens when Bella and Edward end up at the same high school? Bella still believes that Edward hates her, but can he make her see otherwise?
1. Chapter 1

Stephenie Meyer owns all the rights. No copy right infringement is intended.

"_You...don't...want...me?"_

"_No."_

_New Moon, pages 69 & 70._

It had been 50 years since I heard those words echo throughout the forest. 50 long years in which I thought that I would forget the pain they brought me, that it would be easier to forget now. But if anything, it was harder. Every time those words replayed in my head – which was, surprisingly often enough – I felt as if I were to die. I felt as if my world was suffocating me and there was no way out; I simply couldn't breath right anymore.

I suppose it had been a mistake to travel alone into the meadow that day. Jacob and the wolves had done everything to keep me safe from Victoria. They had even killed Laurent for me, though I hadn't known that it was them at the time. I was indebted to them forever. Yet, I didn't listen to Jacob's heartfelt warning; I traveled back to the meadow, back to where Edward had once told me that he loved me – what a brilliant lie that had been!

Victoria, the ever tracking vampire that Jacob fought so hard to keep me safe from, found me there. And when she started her attack, all I could think was that it was finally all going to be over.

I felt her drinking my blood, though I'm not sure I was entirely conscious. The pain was unbearable, but I was happy that I was dying. It would release me from the prison I had been in since Edward left me.

I was finally going to be free on my own accord.

The wolves got involved; they tore Victoria off of me as soon as Jacob and Sam tracked me down. One of them - I forget which one now - was supposed to be watching me. And, like I had escaped from Jasper in the airport in Phoenix, I had escaped from him as well. Jacob, I was sure, was furious.

Of course, by then, it was too late.

Victoria hadn't killed me in the traditional sense, but I was no longer living, either.

I was a vampire, like Edward.

They say that when you change into a vampire, you lose your human memories. Was it that Edward and I had been too much in love – or whatever that was – when we were together that I couldn't lose him? Or was it that the bond that he had left on my life couldn't allow me to escape from him?

That was 50 years ago when he left me. I should be a 68 year old lady with grandchildren and a loving husband and many memories.

Instead, I was a vicious monster.

I didn't drink from humans. I, too, saw that it wasn't fair. Yes, I cheated and screwed up a couple times, but I was better at controlling my thirst. I feasted on animals, though, unlike the Cullen Family, I can't say I really had my favorite. I drank the blood for the sheer reason of sustaining myself.

In all these years, I never bothered to look for the Cullen Family. What good would it do? It had been 50 years, after all. Edward had moved on, there was nothing left for me there. He made it pretty clear in those woods that day that he didn't want me, that he didn't care about me anymore.

You get good at moving around a lot when you stay the same for so long.

Sadly, I don't have a vampire "parent" to take care of me. I've taken to living in half-way houses and runaway shelters and even orphanages, claiming to not know where I came from or who my parents are. All I say I know is my name – Bella Swan. Of course both Charlie and Renee have been dead for quite some time, so no one can ever find my parents or even any other living relatives that I have.

And that has lead me to Shoreline, Washington. It's just north of Seattle in the ever rainy Pacific Northwest. It's no where near as rainy as Forks was, but it's not the sunniest place ever. I'm posing as a run away child living in a half-way house. The kids are mainstreamed into the public school district. I am a junior this year, for what seems like the millionth time. The school is ever so cleverly called Shorewood High School.

"Can I help you?" A crisp, young receptionist asked me as I walked into the main office building.

"Yeah," I said shyly. I peered over the desk at her. "My name is Bella Swan, and I'm a new student here... I'm staying at the Shoreline Youth Center."

"Ah, yes. They did call and tell us that you would be transferring in here," she offered a bright smile as she typed my name into the computer database. It was already midway through the first nine weeks, so I would be the new student, again. It's not the biggest town, and I had already received some awkward glances from the students passing me in the hall on my journey to the attendance building.

"Here you go, hun," she said with another bright smile as she handed me my course schedule. She then proceeded to show me a map and how to get to each of my classes. I wasn't really interested in attending any classes, but oh well. It happened, right.

"Thanks," I responded with the upmost sincerity. I was thankful that she was doing her job and at least attempting to make it better for me here. Sometimes the receptionists in schools weren't as all pleasant or helpful as they ought to have been.

As I turned to leave, I saw the young woman get a dreamy look on her face. I heard the door to the office swing open, and it was as if all the sound in the room had rushed out. The last words I heard before I bolted out the door were, "Good morning, Mr. Cullen. How may I help you?"


	2. Chapter 2

Stephenie Meyer _still_ owns all the rights – silly her.

"_And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…"_

"_Stupid lamb."_

"_What a sick, masochistic lion." _

_Twilight_

The boy – the Cullen boy – that I had almost run into was too familiar to me. It only took a quick glance of my eyes up before I exited the door he entered to know who he was. It wasn't my beloved Edward. The thought of that almost made me snort with laughter – he wasn't _my_ anything – and then almost made me feel as if the world was going to cave in upon me.

It was Emmett. I knew it the moment I saw his dark hair. The moment I felt his piercing gold eyes on me. But, I wouldn't allow him the pleasure of knowing that it was really me. Instead, I hurried down the hall to room 103, where I was supposed to be. It was a physics course.

By now, I had taken enough physics courses to last me more than a lifetime. I knew more physics than the teachers, probably. I could probably even recite important equations in my head, simply due to the fact that I had taken physics so many times before.

I handed my schedule to the teacher, a young man with vibrant blue eyes, and he gave me a small smile. "Everyone," he said to the quiet classroom. It was far too early in the morning to be dealing with such trivial matters such as physics, I decided. It appeared as if the class would have agreed with me; half the students were lying with their heads on their desks, the others looking too exhausted to even speak. "This is Bella Swan. She's new here, and I hope that you all make her feel very welcome," he finished before pointing out an empty seat in the back.

My eyes quickly scanned the room for any sign of any of the Cullen kids or Hale kids.

There were none in this class. I was able to let out a breath that I had been holding as I took my seat. Wouldn't that be the devil? Having a class with one of _them_?

The back row, the row that I was sitting in, was pretty much empty. Three seats away sat a boy, but he was the only other person in the back row. I decided that it wasn't important if no one was really sitting close to me and turned my attention to the teacher who was rambling on about vectors. Of course, I had already studied this numerous times and it appeared that they were only just starting; I was starting to see how Edward was so good at school. Once you had been over something ten or twenty or thirty times, it finally started to sink in a little.

It wasn't until the class change three periods later when I realized that Emmett _had_ recognized me. I was walking with my head down, trying to make my way through the crowd when my sensitive ears picked up on Emmett's excited whispers to his brother.

"I swear, man. It was _her_. Honestly. I even asked the secretary what the new girl's name is and she said it was _Bella Swan_. Come on, Jazz! How many girls look exactly like Bella and are named Bella?" Emmett sounded way too excited about that. I ducked my head closer to my schedule that I was gripping tightly.

"Emmett, block that out of your mind now," Jasper warned, clearly sounding angry at his brother. "If Edward even hears you think about that– come on, Emmett. How can you be so selfish?"

"But, I swear! It was her–"

Luckily I turned to room 323 before I could finish listening to what they were chatting about. I was really anxious to be in this situation. Why would it matter to Edward if I was here? And, why would anyone believe Emmett anyway? I mean, I was supposed to be 68 years old - it was just some odd coincidence that someone who looked like a girl they once knew, who had the same name as a girl they once knew, had showed up at their school. It was all a coincidence. I was just praying that Jasper got that point across to the over eager Emmett.

By the end of the day, I was feeling blessed that I hadn't run into any classes with any of the other vampires at this school. I don't think my heart – or what was left of it – could take it. Even thought it hadn't beat in so many years, I still knew the pain that it felt. Whenever I heard the name Edward, regardless of it was my Edward's name or not, it was hard for me. I couldn't bare the pain associated with hardly anything that reminded me of him.

It also surprised me that in such a small school, I hadn't run into any of the vampires in the hallways (with the exception being that small interchange between Jasper and Emmett). I felt blessed for the first time in many years for that luck. It wouldn't have bode well with me to try to have to explain anything to them. It was far too soon to try, I thought.

When I got back to the half-way house that I was staying at, I immediately sat down to do my homework. All the kids who were living at this place were in school. Most of them went where I did, but I hadn't seen any in my classes. The majority of the people living in this housing center were girls who had run away from troubled families. One or two of the girls were kicked out of their houses, I knew. It was kind of like an open community – you just talked about your problems with everyone.

Part of the deal about living in this place was that you had to talk about your feelings. Well, not in front of everyone. Everyone had mandatory therapy sessions once a week that took up about an hour of their time. It was just to make sure that everything was going fine in that persons life and if they needed assistance of any kind, such as homework, relationship, mental, etc., it would be made available for them.

It wasn't that bad of a place to stay, considering that many of these girls could have been living on the street. I felt somewhat guilty for taking up a bed that could have been used to house a girl that really needed it, but where else was I going to stay? As much as it bothered me to be around humans constantly, I needed at least a little social interaction. And, although I could get that at school, I couldn't just walk into a school and say that I wanted to go there and not have a permanent residence. So, that's why I chose the half-way houses, orphanages, and whatever else I could get.

It just made life more simple for me.

"What have I gotten myself into?" I mumbled to myself. It was too low for a human to hear.

In all reality, I felt horrible. It was awful that I was in a situation that was like this. In all my 50 years of existence as a vampire... I had never thought about this possibility. I had never, ever thought that it was possible to run into them again. I wondered how Edward felt about me now; I knew that he couldn't possibly love someone like me – I was so undeserving! – but I didn't know how much he hated me, either.

I rested my head on my pillow and covered up with my comforter around ten o'clock. Even though I didn't need sleep, okay, even though I couldn't sleep, I still wanted to appear normal to the other girls. A bright smile flashed across my face as I closed my eyes and started thinking about the day in the meadow. The day when Edward showed me exactly what he was; when he let me see the beauty that he held inside, along with the monster that threatened to escape. I felt the familiar stabs of pain as I remembered the memory. I wished that, for just once, I could have a happy memory like the meadow and not have to deal with the pain that was clearly involved.

If there were any way that I could be happy and still have these memories, I would take it in an instance.

"Oh, Edward," I hummed to myself. "What have I gotten myself into?"

If and when I saw him at school, how could I live to confront him?

The very thought of seeing him sent shockwaves of undescribable pain throughout my body.

"Oh, Edward Cullen, you still have my heart," I mumbled as I opened my eyes and looked at the dark window, waiting for the sun to rise. Night was the time when I yearned the most for company in the form of other vampires. I was so lonely during the dark hours when I could hear my room mates sleeping softly, sometimes crying out in their sleep. I finally understood the jealousy involved with that.

"You still have my heart."


	3. Chapter 3

Stephenie Meyer owns all the rights.

"_I told him you were planning to corrupt my youthful innocence."_

_New Moon_

The next day, I walked to school rather slowly. It was a little slower than normal human speed. Once I had become a vampire, I saw what they meant. You just moved faster. It wasn't just because you could, it was just more natural. Suddenly, as a vampire, you could move quickly and not be clumsy about it. Why would you want to move snail's speed like a human? I didn't comprehend that.

But today, I wanted more than anything to be human.

It wasn't raining yet, though the over cast clouds did look rather promising for a big thunder storm. I idly wondered if that meant that the Cullen family was going to go and play another game of baseball. Ever since I had seen that one game so many years ago, I found it fascinating. I had never had enough vampires to get together with and play with, though. I guess that, in the long run, it was better to have a big family than to be by yourself.

"It's beautiful, really," I mused out loud as I stared up at the sky and kept walking. I pushed some of my brown hair out of my eyes before focusing them back on the sidewalk in front of me. Just because I was more graceful as a vampire didn't mean I wanted to chance tripping and falling. Even for being rather graceful, I still had moments where I couldn't help myself.

"That it is," said a chilling, deep voice from behind me.

I spun around quickly – that voice sounded a little _too_ familiar. My golden eyes went wide with shock, but I quickly screwed up my face again as if I had no emotion to it at all. "Um, hello," I said shyly, as if I didn't know who I was talking to.

The young man glared at me. He knew that I knew very well who he was. He wanted me to acknowledge that fact, too. But, honestly... after so many years, was it really worth it? I didn't think so. Why should I cause myself any more pain and misery? Hadn't I suffered enough.

"Hello," he said curtly. "So, you're new to town."

I nodded my head to let him know that he was correct. "Yeah, I am..."

"What's your name?" The man asked me gently. I could tell that he wanted me to feel comfortable about this. He wanted me to open up to him and trust him and just start blabbering on about how I knew him all those years ago. But, honestly, I couldn't. And, honestly, I really, really wanted to. Perhaps if I did that then...

No, I mustn't think like that. I don't want to cause my heart any more pain. How many times can you stab a heart – beating or not – and expect the person who owns it to live? I thought that my heart had been stabbed too many times already; regardless of what had happened to Edward and I, and the rest of the Cullen Family, I had also had my own family ripped away from me. Victoria attacked me when I was least expecting it. It killed me to know the pain that Charlie and Renee went through due to her selfish attack. Sure, it would have happened eventually (or so I thought) had Edward stayed with me, but I would have been able to lie – say I was going to college or some other genius lie that Edward could have helped me come up with. Victoria, on the other hand, ruthlessly stole my human life from me.

It was Jacob who had to deliver the news to Charlie, in a sense.

"_Charlie," Jacob's voice echoed in my memory. I had been hiding just out of Charlie's sight, but close enough that I could still hear what he was saying to my worried father. "We've searched everywhere for Bella – we're not giving up, but we've searched the whole Reservation and these surrounding woods. I don't know where she is... it's as if she just vanished..."_

"_No, I won't give up hope on her, Jacob! That boy..., you know, this all comes back to Cullen. It has to, Jacob. She was never one to get lost in the woods – this is the second time since _he _left!"_

"_I know, Charlie. We're trying our hardest... I promise you that I won't rest until she's found."_

And Jacob never did really rest. He couldn't be around me for obvious reasons, but I knew that he was deeply hurt over my attack. Charlie, too. I had never seen my father look so broken. Not even on that fateful night when I hurled those angry words at him – claiming that I hated Forks and that I was going home to Phoenix... where I was attacked by James. Not even then did Charlie hold that defeated look in his body.

It took them forever to give up looking for me. The case, technically, is still open. There was never any body found, of course. There was a rather large reward offered for whomever could produce details, but no one ever came forward. It was as if I just vanished.

I opened my mouth to reply to the man when another young man came running up behind him. He gave him a pretty good whack on the back of the head before exclaiming, "Emmett! I _told_ you to leave her alone - she's new. She doesn't need_ you_ of all people bothering her!"

Oh, Jasper. How I had missed him. Just because he took a chomp at me that one time... that didn't mean anything. I could never, ever forget how he treated me in Phoenix. I knew that just because he had trouble controlling his... vampire tendencies, he still cared about me. He just wasn't always able to show it out of fear that he could hurt me.

"I'm sorry about my brother, ma'am," Jasper apologized to me. He finally made eye contact with me, looking deep into my golden orbs. If I had the ability to blush, I would have. His eyes seemed to flash with recognition – perhaps he was thinking that his crazy brother _was_ right about who I was.

"It's okay," I replied softly. Before I could resume walking towards the school, a pixie like girl came running up to Jasper and Emmett. I knew that it was Alice at once. She looked the same, not surprisingly. She was as beautiful and pixie like as ever. I fought rather hard to not reach out and touch her – I wanted so badly to embrace in one of those rib breaking hugs that she used to treat me to when I saw her. Had it really been 50 years since she had walked out of my life? Oh, how time flies when you're immortal.

"Jazz, Emmett, what are you do–" Alice caught a glimpse of me and gasped. Her mouth hung open for a second before she closed it promptly. Her tawny-gold eyes took the sight of me in. I wondered what she was thinking, but I didn't have to wait long to find out. It was never in Alice's character to beat around the bush – she had always been one of the frank ones (without being too rude. Rose came off as rude, Alice came off as curious.).

"No," she murmured to herself, "That vision couldn't have been right..."

"You and Emmett are both deranged," Jasper muttered, though I could hear the betrayal in his voice. He didn't truly believe that. All three of them had come to the conclusion that I was, in fact, Bella Swan. Yet, here I stood; I hadn't confirmed their unasked question yet, and I was unsure of how I could.

"Bella?" Alice's voice was full of mirth and wonder. I could see her eyes twinkling with happiness. It was as if she found her long lost best friend or something. Not to discredit what Alice and I had 50 years prior to this date, but she couldn't possibly still feel that way about me, could she?

Unsure of if my voice would work, I nodded my head slowly.

"Bella Swan?" It was Jasper's turn to be mirthful.

"Yes," I murmured, my eyes downcast. I held my hands in front of me, playing with them ever so slightly. It was a nervous habit from my human life that I had carried into this existence. Without warning, I felt a force slam against me. Reaching up to catch it, I realized that it was Alice's small body.

"Oh, Bella," she cried as she hugged me close. "It's been so long... yet you're the same. You're one of us!"

"Yes," I agreed. I wasn't sure what else I could say.

"Oh, wait until Edward sees you! He'll simply die!" Alice exclaimed, holding me out from her so that she could get a good look at me. I felt her finger trace down my cheek happily. When she mentioned Edward's name, though, panic built in my body. I couldn't handle Edward. Not now, not ever. It wasn't possible that he cared about me anymore. I knew that. I don't know why Alice didn't comprehend that completely. It was very important to me that she comprehended that because it was very important that she knew that Edward didn't care about me at all. Along with the mounting panic came mounting anxiety and a wave of mild depression. I could be one moody vampire, I'll have you know!

"I don't know if that's such a good idea," Jasper said and I felt waves of calm spread over me. I sighed in relief. Finally, someone who understood my feelings on the matter!

"What?!" Emmett snapped at his brother. "You know Edward would simply be _thrilled_ to know that we don't drag his sorry ass around with us because she's dead – Edward would _love_ to know that Bella is alive... and changed! Just think, Jazz! We could make him happy again. It's been far too long."

I wasn't completely following the conversation. If I was following it correctly, Emmett was saying that Edward wasn't happy. I didn't understand what _I_, simple Bella, had to do with Edward's happiness, but Emmett seemed to think I had something to do with it. I needed to set him straight, because obviously Edward never told them the extent of what he said to me. Someone needed to let him know... once I found my voice, that was.

"I don't think telling Edward would be the wisest idea. We'd have to tell him gently. And, I'm not quite sure the easiest way to tell him," Jasper said. He was taking into account all of Edwards feelings, I supposed. And that was quite natural for Jasper. He really was the most empathetic person that I ever knew. Well, most empathetic vampire I ever knew.

"I need to get to school," I mumbled softly, trying to yank myself from Alice's iron grip. She was still staring at Jasper like he had said something horrible when he mentioned that he didn't think that they should tell Edward that I was around. However, at my words, her attention snapped back to me.

"Oh, no. We've lost you once, Bella... we're not going to lose you again. Where do you live? Are you staying with any other vampires?"

"No...," I said softly before giving her the name of the half-way house I was staying at.

"What!?" Emmett asked, getting a little too excited in my opinion. He was always so passionate about things.

"Well, I'm not old enough, really, to buy my own place. And I'm not as good as forging passports and birth certificates and drives licences as you are. I have to pose as I can. Right now, that's a run away teen, okay? I'm doing the best I can," I said defensively. I didn't need Emmett's help. I didn't want his help. I didn't need anyone's help.

I had done this on my own for 50 years. I could continue to do it on my own for as long as I needed to. For as long as it took me to find a mate... or someone who cared about me. I knew that it wouldn't be Edward for obvious reasons. But I had never really put my time or effort into finding one, either. It would come in time, I supposed.

"What do you say about ditching school today, Bella?" Alice asked me in a soothing tone. "We have a lot of catching up to do!"

And with that, she grabbed my hand and Jasper's hand and headed back in the direction that they had come from.


	4. Chapter 4

Stephenie Meyer owns all of the rights.

"_Oh, I'm with the vampires, of course."_

– _Twilight_

I plodded along side of Alice as we headed to their house, or so I assumed. I was still trying to figure out how I could make a run for it, but now that they knew that it was really me, I figured it'd be useless; they'd just track me down. And, I couldn't turn and run the other way – back to the school – because Jasper and Emmett were flanking Alice and I from behind.

Just great.

"Alice," I murmured softly as she continued to drag me down the sidewalk. "Really, I appreciate your kindness and everything, but I've got to get to school. If word gets out that I skipped, I'll be in a lot of trouble back at the home!"

"Oh, nonsense, Bella. Don't worry about a thing. If it comes to it, we'll have Jazz butter them up a bit." She shot a wicked smile and I gulped. I didn't like the idea of that.

We walked for a bit longer in our odd group. I couldn't help but wonder why we hadn't seemed to have passed Rose or Edward, though I wasn't going to inquire about either one. I was sure that Rose still felt that I was scum and that Edward hated my guts. So, why even bother asking? I sure as hell didn't really want to see either one of them.

Okay, maybe I wanted to see Edward just a tiny bit.

But not very much.

Honestly.

Okay, who was I kidding? It had been 50 years since he had left me alone and weak and despondent. And I still loved the man completely and unconditionally, as if he had never hurt me. But the truth was, I knew that there had been truth behind his words. When he said that I wasn't good enough. I knew that the only lie that he told me was that he loved me and that it was _he_, not I, that wasn't good enough. I couldn't get him out of my head for all of these years; I guess that's why true love sucks.

But you know what? I didn't have to worry about it. I didn't have to worry about his apologies or anything: I knew that they wouldn't be heartfelt. It wasn't possible that he loved me, so who cared? I might as well act indifferent, too. I might as well act as though it didn't matter anymore because, in all honesty, it didn't. Who was I to change his mind after 50 years? You couldn't tell me that he had been mourning me for this long, so it mattered very little to me.

Some time during my musings, Alice had pulled me off the sidewalk and was leading me up a fairly worn path. The grass we were walking on was dying from the excessive amount of wear that feet had put on it. It amused me to know that the Cullen children took to walking to school instead of driving. I wondered why that was, but I couldn't find my voice to ask.

"Our house is right up this path," Emmett informed me from behind. "We're really secluded back here."

I nodded my head. Seclusion and the Cullen family seemed to go hand-in-hand. I remembered when they were living in Forks... how secluded the house had been. Of course, since my change, I had seen the house once. It was right after I changed; I had wanted to say "goodbye" to all things familiar. And, for whatever reason, my brain told me to go say my farewells to the Cullen house. I had been so sure in thinking that I would never, ever see them again. I guess you could never been 100 sure about anything. Unless you were Alice, that was.

In no time at all, Alice had me sitting in their living room. I was sitting on a brand new couch made solely of leather, by the looks of it. It was smooth and I enjoyed it; I had enjoyed the simple comforts as things such as this since I had been "on the run," so to speak, for so long. The Cullen house in Shoreline was painted in mostly white, just like it had been in Forks. It was a beautiful sight, though, since everything here was kept immaculately clean. You'd never be able to tell that there were seven people living in this house just by looking at it.

"Esme?" I heard Alice call softly. Had I been human, I doubted that I would have been able to hear the pitch of her voice. It moved by so fast, but she needn't yell. Everyone in attendance here had perfectly fine hearing.

Jasper and Emmett were sitting on the couch across from me. I could tell that they were studying me from the way they were looking at me. I was sure that they were trying to figure out the pinched expression that my skin seemed to wear – before I had been changed, I lost a lot of weight due to my depression. I obviously couldn't gain it back now. It didn't look horrible, but it was different than how they chose to remember me. I think that they were also trying to figure out what I had been doing for the past 50 years. I wasn't sure that they actually wanted to hear the tale, though; apart from that, I wasn't sure if I would be able to tell the tale. It had been a hard 50 years.

Alice took the seat on the couch next to me. She started to stroke my hair while waiting for her "mother" to come downstairs. I wondered what Esme had been doing, but that wasn't really important at the moment. What was important was that I was in their home. Which reminded me—

"Where's Edward?" I asked, slightly fearful. I turned my gaze to Alice's face that remained stone like and calm.

"He, Rose and Carlisle are hunting," she replied simply. I found that answer to be strange, but what did I know about Edward's hunting partners?

"Does he know about... this?" I asked, meaning me. I shot a look towards Emmett. I was wondering if Emmett had told Edward his suspicions or not.

"No," Emmett replied, exhaling a deep breath. "I wanted to tell him, but he and Rose left before school let out yesterday. And this one–" he exclaimed, pointing a finger at Jasper, "wouldn't let me. '_Don't do that to him. That's not fair, Emmett,_'" He replied, imitating Jasper's voice.

"Maybe if you took into consideration _his_ thoughts and feelings, Emmett!" Jasper exclaimed, exasperated. "You haven't had to deal with how he _feels_ for the past 50 years! It's not pleasant, okay? And, you can't even act like his emotions don't set the tone for the rest of this family. It's hard to be so empathetic! And then all of a sudden you're all happy and..."

Jasper's voice trailed off and I looked up at him. I was wondering why he stopped yelling – it had been yelling – at Emmett, but I found that I didn't have to look hard. Esme had made her appearance into the living room. The look on her face was stern. I could tell that she was looking at Jasper, not pleased with his yelling.

"Sorry, mom," he said ashamed.

"What were you carrying on ab–" She stopped her words as her eyes fell on me. I immediately turned to Alice for comfort. Although Esme didn't scare me, I felt highly nervous and embarrassed and shy. I just wanted to hide away. This was the family that I had spent so much time trying to not think about... and here I was, in their living room of all places!

"I guess I needn't ask why you're not in school today. So you were right, Emmett?"

"Yup. Everyone doubted me," he said with a nod of his head. "But I knew that it was our Bella the moment I set my eyes on her pretty little head. She looks exactly the same."

I raised my head off of Alice's chest to look at Esme. I mumbled a brief 'hello' and then kept my eyes downcast. Esme slowly approached me and then gently hugged me. She rubbed my back briefly before pushing me away to look into my eyes.

"Oh, Bella," she murmured softly as her gentle fingers traced along my cheek bone. She held my gaze with her eyes, searching for something. I wasn't quite sure what. "It's been so long. Edward will be happy to see you again, I'm sure."

I shook my head roughly. No, he wouldn't. I knew that he wouldn't. I couldn't bring myself to say it, but I knew it. I knew with every fiber and being of my body that he wouldn't be happy to see me. I was one hundred percent positive about that.

"We'll see soon enough," warned Alice, "They're pulling into the drive as we speak."

I was feeling even more nervous. When I heard the doorknob start to slowly turn – how excruciatingly slow it was! – I started to panic. "Alice," I breathed, scared. I had pulled away from Esme's motherly embrace and was now back to clinging onto Alice. I think that if I hadn't been so serious about how scared I was, Jasper and Emmett would have found this highly amusing.

Three bodies entered the doorway and turned sharply into the living room. Rose was in between the two gorgeous men. How any one man could look that good was beyond me. Even though I had lived a long time, they were still exceptionally beautiful. All the Cullen's were. I still felt unbearably plain when I was in the same room as they were. I knew that I was beautiful to an extent..., but not this beautiful.

"What's going on here?" A male voice asked. The melodic tone which the voice held hurt my ears. Was it possible that the angel's voice sounded the same after all of these years? I looked around the companions who were sitting on the couch wildly. I wanted to urge them to block their minds, but if they hadn't already, it was over. It had been over the second that Edward pulled into the drive. I wasn't sure if they had blocked their thoughts or not. I wasn't sure if I could handle being around him. It went back to my previous thoughts: how many ways could one persons heart and soul be beaten and bruised and still expect that person to be able to act happy? I was unsure.

"We've got great news!" Bubbled Alice.

"Yes, I can see that...," Carlisle mused out loud, his eyes finding me. I clung onto Alice's arm tighter now. Edward's and Rose's eyes were on me, too. Edward looked confused and Rose looked angry.

"Bella's back!"

I felt the breath rush out of me as a deadening silence filled the house.


	5. Chapter 5

Stephenie Meyer owns all the rights.

"_Which is tempting you more, my body or my blood?" _

– _New Moon_

Carlisle crossed the space that was between us in a matter of seconds. He paused for a second, watching me, before pulling me away from Alice and into a hug. I saw over Carlisle's shoulder that Emmett was stifling a laugh and Jasper had hit him for it. As I thought about it, I was pretty sure that me not wanting to let go of Alice and Carlisle pulling on me _was_ quite funny.

"Bella, it's been so many years," Carlisle said, though I could tell that he was happy to see me.

"Yes, it has," I agreed with Carlisle. He released me from his hug and motioned for me to sit down again. He took the opportunity to sit between Emmett and Jasper– it seemed that they were too content on hitting each other at the moment.

Boys.

Rose walked past me, to the other couch. She held her head high and her lips pursed. "Bella," I heard her say indifferently. I couldn't understand why she was angry at me. I never understood why she had been angry at me before, either, come to think of it. No one had ever explained that one to me. I was just starting to believe that it was Rose's character flaw.

Edward was the last to break the original formation. In three strides, Edward was standing in front of me. A millisecond later, he was crouched down in front of me. It hurt so bad to look at him, so I didn't. I pulled my eyes away from him and focused on the big screen TV that sat to my left side. By the looks of the entertainment center they had here in the house hold, Emmett still loved to play video games. I was better that Jasper loved to play them, too.

"Bella," called the voice that belonged to the angel. "Bella, can you please look at me?"

I shook my head once negatively. How could I look at him? I wasn't worthy. I hung my head, tearing it from the large TV. Here was my one shot at redemption with Edward the Angel, and I couldn't even bring myself to look at him! Anger flourished within me, but it was soon quelled by Jasper. I shot him a look somewhere between annoyance and thanks.

"Bella, please," Edward murmured. He gently touched my hands that were sitting in my lap. I pulled them away as if I had been burned by his touch. 50 years was far too long to go with nothing. I wasn't going to let Edward crush my heart again when he decided that I was unworthy five minutes from now.

I didn't think it was worth it.

Okay, maybe it was worth it.

I pulled my eyes up to meet his. Instantly a smile broke out on his face. I returned it unsurely. Why was Edward Cullen smiling at me? That was something that my brain couldn't comprehend.

Jasper cleared his throat and Edward turned to look at him. For a moment it looked as if Jasper and Edward were having a silent conversation. Before long, Edward jerked his head to the side with a pained expression on his face. Jasper must have said something to him. Perhaps he mentioned to Edward the emotions that were running through my body. To name a few, there were: anger, confusion, hurt, love, lust, fear. There were many more than that coursing through my body, but those were the six that I felt most. It was almost as if it were a cycle; I would feel one emotion for a certain amount of time before the other one would roll in, closely followed by the next and then the next one after that.

Edward stood up and retreated to leaning his arm on the mantle above the fireplace. His eyes never left me, though. I could tell that Jasper was doing his best to help me with my emotions, because soon afterwards, I was starting to feel a bit more calm and reassured. I'm sure that was all thanks to Jasper.

Carlisle seemed to be having a conversation with Edward silently, though Edward's eyes hadn't left me. I had a feeling that my thoughts were still silent to Edward, and for that I was forever glad. I would just die if he could hear my thoughts. Okay, dying was out of the picture... but it would have been the only comforting thing to me. A moment or two later, Edward's eyes flashed to Carlisle. Edward then nodded a quick 'yes' to Carlisle before promptly returning his eyes to me.

"Bella, can I ask you some questions?"

I had figured that this time would come. Carlisle always seemed to thirst knowledge. I would give him the answers that I knew. "Of course," I replied wholeheartedly.

"How long have you been a vampire?" was his first question, although I knew that he probably already knew the answer. He would have had to have known the answer. I didn't look much different from when they had left. Certainly not old enough to get into a bar or anything, so he probably knew that I was still somewhere in my teens. He was unsure as to if that meant 18 or 19, I guessed.

"I was 18 when I was changed. That was 50 years ago."

I let that register with everyone for a moment. My hands were now resting at my side, and I was immensely pleased when one of Alice's hands found my hand. I looked over to my old friend and smiled for her. It was important to me that she knew that I appreciated her and her friendship.

"Who changed you?"

Well, wasn't that the million dollar question? I was very unsure how the Cullen family would react to the news that it had been Victoria. They all had fought so hard to keep me safe from her mate, James.

"Victoria," I replied nonchalantly.

"Victoria, that red haired witch?" I heard Emmett's sharp intake of breath as he asked this question.

"Yes, James' mate," came my response. It sounded so cool and natural and so... not me. It was as if I was disconnected from these thoughts and feelings that were swirling around in my head.

"Why did she change you?" Carlisle asked the next question. I could tell that he thought that this was important.

"Well, she didn't mean to change me. But it was, in her eyes, a mate for a mate. James was dead, that was our fault. We had killed her mate. She wanted to hurt Edward more than anything. She wanted me dead. A mate for a mate, she said."

"What do you mean, she didn't want to change you?" Carlisle was puzzled by this, and I could see why. Normally when a vampire _wanted_ to change someone, there was a problem. And that problem was because they would continue to drink the blood until it was all gone. It was rather hard to stop drinking blood once you had started. It was very hard to create a new vampire – especially when you weren't trying to!

"She didn't mean to change me. See, I went to find the meadow... and I found her there instead. She was looking for food, I guess. She started talking to me, and I tried to lie as best as I could – which you know isn't very good – and she knew that you were gone. She knew that I was all alone.

"'_How odd_,' she said to me, '_that they would leave you behind like that. I thought you were that boy's special person or something. I thought he really loved you_.' And I didn't really know how to respond to that.

"'_Well, that makes it all the more easier for me, I guess. No one will come after me because no one will know you're dead. You don't fear death, do you? No, I don't suppose you do, Bella. You _do_ run with vampires_,' she told me.

"And I was already starting to back away from her. I didn't want to die, not really. And so I'm like, walking backwards, right? And what do I do? I trip and fall! You remember my gracefulness!" I could help but grin as I said that. It got a couple of appreciative chuckles from the Cullen family. I couldn't help but notice that my angel looked appalled.

"Anyway, so I'm sitting there. And I know that it's gonna be the death of me because Victoria is closing in. And she's saying all of these awful things to me. The next thing I know, she's started to bite me, and I was losing consciousness from it. It hurt so bad – it hurt worse than I ever imagined that it could. I never believed you when you said that it hurt, Edward," I told him with an apologetic smile before casting my glance back at the floor. Alice gave my hand a gentle squeeze to let me know that she was there for me.

"So why did she stop if she wanted to kill you?" Esme asked Carlisle's unasked question.

"She didn't account for one thing: the werewolves. My best friend, Jacob Black, was part of the gang down on La Push. I didn't know it at the time, but there was a young pack of werewolves. He was one of them. Anyway, he saw her start to attack and so they attacked her and finished her off. But by the time they had intervened, it was too late. Jacob, I guess, dragged me off to a hiding area while I changed. It was secluded from everywhere. He never came back for me, and I knew that I couldn't stay in Forks."

"So where did you go?" Esme asked. I could hear the sadness in her voice. I wanted to just hug her and tell her that it was okay.

"I stayed hidden, mostly to myself, for the first few years until I knew that I was better at being around people. Then I started posing as a wayward teen, runaway teen, orphan, whatever. I started moving from shelter to shelter, giving them false birthdays and what not. The longest I ever stayed in one shelter was a year and a half. I was constantly on the move." I finished lamely with a shrug.

Carlisle continued to fire questions at me for quite some time. Just simple questions like where I was staying, what my diet consisted of. That sort of thing. The whole Cullen family, including Rose, seemed to be listening to what I had to say intently, as if it were the most important thing in the whole world.

Of course, this was all taking place while I was supposed to be at school. You can imagine my surprise when I looked at the clock and noticed that it was already 4:15. School ended at 2:45. Oh, was I ever going to be in crap with the shelter director!

"Carlisle," I interrupted his question urgently, "I hate to interrupt you and all, but I need to get going. I'm going to get into a lot of trouble if I don't get back to the shelter. I've already skipped school, I'm sure they're really mad at me! They expect us to be on our best behavior and everything. I'm sorry," I apologized again.

"I'll walk you back to the shelter," offered Edward.

"Oh, no. You don't have to do that. I'm sure that you have a million better things to be doing with your time. Don't worry about me. It's not a long walk, I can handle myself," I rambled off to him.

"It's not a problem, Bella. I want to talk to you, anyway."

That's what I had been afraid of. "Fine," I muttered, though I didn't sound enthused at all.

And with that, Alice gave me a firm shove towards the door... and Edward.


	6. Chapter 6

Stephenie Meyer owns all of the rights.

"_Do you think any of us want to look into his eyes for the next hundred years if he loses you?" _

– _Twilight_

I was focusing hard on not running away from Edward. I could tell that he _really, really _wanted to talk to me, even if I was unsure as to why he wanted to. His family, it seemed, was trying to make it very clear to me that he _cared_ about me. I still couldn't comprehend why they would want me to think _that_ of all things, but I also wasn't going to argue with them.

We walked slowly (for a vampire, anyway) along the road for a couple of moments, draped in silence. Edward soon let out a sigh of frustration. Shocked, I turned to look at him. I hadn't even done anything, what could he possibly be frustrated about?

Edward caught me staring at him, my mouth slightly agape. "Sorry. It just still frustrates me that I have _no idea_ what you're thinking. I thought that perhaps after all of these years, it would have changed. Especially now that you're like me..."

"Right," I replied tersely.

"Bella," he pleaded with me. I could tell that he really wanted me to listen and pay attention to what he was saying. I really wanted to, too. I mean, going 50 years with out him had been torture; it was well worth all the pain I would put myself though when he left me again just to be able to say that I had five minutes of his time.

"Yes, Edward?"

"I... you... Look, Bella, I'm sorry for everything that I've ever done to hurt you," he said quickly, though I could hear the sincerity in his voice; it was bleeding through the tone that he was using. I had never heard anyone be so sincere in my whole existence. Well, not that I could recall anyway.

I raised my eyebrow. Could I trust that? I wasn't too sure. Instead of replying to his statement, though, I kicked a rock alongside the road. My hands were shoved in the pockets of my worn and faded jeans and I wasn't looking at Edward anymore. At the pace we were walking, we'd be at the half-way home in no time.

"I have to know something."

His voice, when he said that, sounded urgent and full of curiosity. Could I deny him one question, no matter how hard it might be? No, I couldn't really do that. That wouldn't be fair to him. Even though he hadn't been quite fair to me, I couldn't deny him the simple things. When it came to Edward, I had quite a large soft spot for him. I was pretty sure that I would still do anything that he asked me to do and not question him too much. Edward still had that grip on me after all of these years. That was kind of a really scary thought, when I paused to think about it more.

"What?" I inquired, though I didn't sound rude. I didn't want to be rude to Edward. I just wanted to know what he wanted to know. I was also hoping that he didn't ask me something silly like, '_do you still love me?'_, because I honestly wasn't sure how I would respond to a question like that.

"Did you... ever move on. I mean, did you ever find someone else, as I intended for you?"

"Victoria didn't give me much time to do that," I replied darkly, my eyes flashing up to meet his face. The look in my eyes wiped the smile off of his face and replaced it with one of remorse. I felt somewhat bad for causing him to feel responsible, but oh well.

"But, after you were changed?" He pressed. I knew that he wasn't asking me for hard details; I could at least answer his question as straight forward as possible, right? He was just being curious, old Edward.

"No, never."

I heard his sharp intake of breath. What was he thinking? I was glad that my thoughts were still guarded against him. I couldn't even entertain the idea of him being able to understand what I was thinking at this moment. I was also very thankful that Jasper was not with us because I probably would have over done his empathy limit for the day. Something told me that Edward had been very tiring on Jasper's limit for empathy in the past 50 years.

"Did you... ever move on?" I asked Edward. Inquiring minds had to know...

"No," he replied quickly. "No, I never wanted to. No one ever seemed half as good as you, Bella. No one ever could have replaced you."

I stopped walking, and Edward stopped as well. I raised my head so that my eyes could rest on him. He met my stare with one of those crooked smiles that I used to love so much. I bit down on my lip, wondering what to say to him. I knew what I needed to say..., I just didn't know how to phrase it.

"Edward, I don't understand."

"What don't you understand?" He asking in a soothing tone as he took a step towards me. I fought the urge to step backwards some, and I won. There was a little distance between the two of us, but I felt as if I knew that it would be closing in soon.

"Besides the obvious... I... don't... understand... why... you... I don't understand why you... left," I stumbled, trying to get the words to unstick from the roof of my mouth. That had been a hard question for me to ask. I shot my eyes down, not able to look into his anymore. He was so pure..., and I was so undeserving. I could totally understand why he had left me in that aspect. But if he had never moved on...

"What's the obvious?" He asked, taking his index finger and raising my chin slightly so that I was forced to look into his golden eyes.

"I know that I'm not worth your love. I don't deserve you – you said so yourself that day that you... left."

His eyes instantaneously looked pained. "I meant for you to believe that then, Bella. I didn't mean for you to believe that still."

"What do you mean?"

Okay, now I was thoroughly confused with what he was trying to say to me. Did he mean it or didn't he? And, if he hadn't meant it, why did he say that to me? He could have saved me a lot of heartbreak and emotional stability if he had been honest with me.

"I wanted you to have a normal life, Bella! I wanted you to be happy and experience human emotions and just be content with life like that! When you were with me, I was constantly putting you in danger. You weren't safe, Bella. And you meant the world to me. If I had lost you then due to some stupid mistake that I made, I would have handed myself over to the Volturi. Bella, I couldn't keep hurting you. You deserved to be happy."

While that all made sense enough to me, I was furious with him.

"I _was_ happy, Edward!"

"How could you be happy like that!? James was out to kill you, Victoria..., Jasper, too! You were _never_ safe with me!"

"And you call being savagely attacked by Victoria and being changed into a vampire 'safe'?! You need to get your stupid priorities safe then, Edward Cullen!" I exclaimed, turning on my heel and walking off towards the shelter.

He was caught up to me in a second. "Bella, please. I was trying to do what I thought was best for you. Please, Bella..."

"'Please, Bella' what?" I snapped, shooting him a venomous glare. I could tell that I wounded his feelings a little, so I lightened up my glare a little. As much as I wanted to 'kiss and make up' with Edward, what he said had hurt. He was the best thing that ever happened to my life.

"Please, Bella, tell me that I'm forgiven."

"You're forgiven." I couldn't say that he wasn't. I forgave him a long time ago for breaking my heart. But just because you forgive doesn't mean that you have to forget the pain that it's caused you. Just because you forgive doesn't mean you always move on. You can forgive someone for ruthlessly murdering your best friend, but when it comes down to it, at the end of the night, you're still gonna miss your best friend and cry about it.

"Really?" He asked, looking extremely hopeful.

"Really," I agreed.

Without warning, Edward scooped me into a bone crushing hug. And I melted right into his arms, resting my head on his chest. It only took a couple of seconds of me standing like that – completely comfortable in his embrace – before I pulled away, embarrassed.

"Sorry," I murmured. "I didn't mean for that to happen..."

"It's okay," he said. Edward had on the biggest smile that I had ever seen on his face. He truly looked happy. Was it possible that I made him happy? No way, man.

"I need to go," I informed him quietly, as we were standing outside of the half-way house.

Edward had a look of intense sorrow on his face, but he nodded his head. "Okay," he replied. "Bella, I'll see you tomorrow in school, okay? Honest, I'll find you or something. I mean– is that okay with you? I'd really like to start... being your friend again, if that's okay."

Judging by his words, I could tell that he wanted something more than friendship. And, to be honest, if I could learn to trust him again, I couldn't see why we couldn't be more than friends. I couldn't help but smile broadly at his words; they meant so much to me. I would be very happy to be included in his life once more.

"It's okay," I told him happily.

"Great. Tomorrow, then. I hope you're not in too much trouble tonight."

I shrugged. "Yeah, well, it happens. After all, I'm a run away teen – what do they expect from me?"

He chuckled softly and reached of to lightly ruffle my hair. "Tomorrow," he repeated in astonished exhilaration.

I turned on my heel once more, happy. I felt as if I was floating into the half-way house on air. There was nothing that could ever compare to this feeling. All because of a silly, silly boy. It didn't matter what the director of the half-way house said to me at this point.

Edward wanted me back in his life.


	7. Chapter 7

Stephenie Meyer owns all of the rights.

_It's not supposed to feel this way_

_I need you, I need you_

_More and more each day_

_It's not supposed to hurt this way_

_I need you, I need you, I need you_

_Tell me, are you and me still together?_

_Tell me, you think we could last forever?_

_Tell me, why_

_Why – Avril Lavigne _

Surprisingly, I didn't get in any trouble at all with the director. Okay, maybe that wasn't surprising after all – the rest of my life seemed to be falling in line nicely, why shouldn't I get a cut from all of the yelling and pain and trouble, too? Luckily I got off with a "don't do it again, Bella" and nothing else.

Life was falling into place.

I had the hardest time lying in my bed, trying to be still. I knew that the next morning at school, I would be seeing the whole Cullen family (well, minus Esme and Carlisle, of course!). I could hardly hold in my happiness. Yes, that was a big deal to me. I had missed the whole family so, so much.

Edward had made it clear to me that as long as I didn't out right say that I didn't want him to be in my life anymore, he would be sticking around. I couldn't get that thought out of my head. Sure, I didn't trust him 100, but he still had said it. Wasn't it awful that after all of these years alone, words like that could make my heart soar in ways that I had never thought to be possible again? Of course, my heart wasn't soaring literally – I had no heart– but it felt good none-the-less.

I was starting to firmly believe that vampires felt everything more than humans. I knew that we had always been more sensitive to our feelings, but I had never felt excitement like this before. I supposed that all the loneliness that I had felt throughout my existence was doubled, too. I just had never sat down and made comparisons like that before, I guessed.

My excitement only multiplied when I saw the first dismal rays of sunshine being overpowered by the haze and fog of rain that was once again encompassing Shoreline. Oh, how I loved the Northwest Peninsula.

As soon as one of the girl's alarm clocks went off, I jumped out of my bed. I was moving quite too fast for my own good – quick enough to give myself away. I forced myself to slow down a little, but I couldn't keep the smile off of my face.

"You look happy today, Bella," said one of the girls my age. In the half-way house, you were separated into rooms with girls that were the same age as you. This girl's name was Maggie, and from what I could tell, she was a decent person who had just been stuck in an unfortunate situation with her parents and was kicked out. Having no where else to turn and too ashamed to stay in the same town, she traveled 150 miles to Shoreline and came seeking shelter at the home here. I thought she was quite interesting.

"I am," I confided, though I kept the reason to myself. I didn't need to tell Maggie that I saw a former friend; that would raise questions and concerns amongst the girls and adults.

"Did you get in trouble for skipping yesterday?" She asked, though I could tell that she was worried about me more than anything. I think that she didn't want to see me get into trouble over something as silly as school. Also, I knew that she herself had a fear of being kicked out of the home, and probably didn't want to see any of the other girls kicked out either.

"No, not really," I replied as I pulled my shirt over my head. "They just told me to not do it again." I started to pull on my pair of blue jeans. I literally only had like three outfits – all consisting of worn out blue jeans. I owned three shirts, too. Somehow, I had an eerie feeling that Alice would put an end to that as soon as she found out.

"That's good," she smiled at me. "I'll see you at school, then," she added as she made her way towards the bathroom.

I paused for a moment to ponder my thoughts. As a "runaway" teen, I had been very fortunate to make a lot of unique friends that I wouldn't have been able to have made if I hadn't had this lifestyle. I called them unique because they all had their different stories; some were drug users, others were kicked out, some left due to some event and some had thought life would be better this way. In the end, we were all in the same boat. More importantly than that, though, was the fact that I knew that we were all fiercely loyal to one another for one reason: we were family now.

I quickly made my way to school. I didn't want to miss a moment of being around the Cullen Clan if I could prevent it. And, to my astonishment, they appeared to be waiting out front of the school... for me! Or that is how they made it seem to me, because even Rose joined in their chorus of "Hey Bella!"'s. It was very warm and very, very nice.

I offered a small smile. "Hey, guys. How are you?"

I received a chorus of "fine"s and "perfect"s. It was nice to know that they were happy and healthy and everything. I was happy that all of the Cullen children were there. Rose even seemed to be smiling at me, which must have been a good sign. I was glad to finally be in her good graces. As much as I had tried to not let her dislike for me bother me, it had always made me wonder what I had done wrong.

"Bella, what is your schedule like?" Emmett asked me with a small smile. My face was blank – I had only been in school for one day and he was asking about my schedule! Luckily, I remembered that I still had it in my bag, so I pulled it out and handed it to him. Edward and Jasper and Alice crowded around him so that they, too, could read what classes I would be in and when.

"Sweet!" Edward exclaimed, high-fiving Jasper.

"What?" I asked confused. Had I missed something? I most definitely had! I let myself hope that meant that Edward and I a class together, but I was still wary. Besides, why did that grin on his face look slightly evil? I wasn't sure if I really wanted to know... then...

"Oh, you'll see later," he said as he ribbed Emmett and pointed to something on my schedule. Emmett started to laugh, but he warned them, "Don't you tell her – I wanna see her face when she finds out."

"Edward, honestly! What is so fun–" I was cut off by the brisk ringing of the bell. Emmett handed my schedule back to me with a grin and gave me a kiss on my forehead goodbye. Jasper ruffled my hair a bit before walking off with Alice to their first period. Edward just offered me a grin and a girlish wave goodbye.

I walked off fuming to my physics course that would start the day. The teacher was still droning on about vectors and how important they were to physics and blah blah blah. I could feel myself losing interest. Whatever Edward had pointed at was enough to make me lose concentration all day. It was a good thing for him that I had already taken all of these courses before, or I would have been very upset with him.

By seventh period, I had found out.

I walked into the gym just as I normally would. You would think that as a vampire, my gym class skills would now be flawless and fantastic. However, they weren't. Just because I could hit the ball harder and faster than anyone else in my class didn't mean that I was graceful. I still was quite prone to being hit in the head and the face and everywhere else, come to think of it, by rogue balls. I was still prone to making a fool of myself in gym class.

I preferred physics over gym.

So, imagine my surprise when I walked into the gym and saw Mr. Edward Cullen sitting as pretty as can be on the bleachers. I wanted to kill him. I knew that it wasn't my fault or his fault that he was in my gym class, but he _had _known about it earlier this morning. At least this morning I could have gone and protested it to the school office, saying that I needed it at a different hour for whatever reason... but no. I had _no_ warning whatsoever. Edward was dead meat.

"Hello, Edward," I replied cooly as I sat down beside him.

"Ah, come on, Bella! I just wanted to surprise you. There was no way that you could have known that I would have been in this gym class with you since you _skipped_ yesterday and I wasn't here the day before. It's all in good fun, right?" He asked quickly, checking my expression to make sure that I wasn't _really_ mad at him.

I let my features ease up to let him know that I wasn't really mad at him. I couldn't stay mad at him now – I had never been able to do that. He always was able to pull the truth out of me. Well, when it came to my feelings, anyway. He was always able to "dazzle" them out of me, as I used to put it. He was still extremely talented at that, it looked like.

"I don't mind, Edward. Just some warning would have been nice."

Before he could respond, the teacher came into the gym. By now there were about thirty kids sitting on the bleachers around us, waiting for our instructions. To my horror, the coach was dribbling a basketball. Edward must have noticed me tense up a bit because he let out a low chuckle. I kicked his foot with mine and he smiled at me appreciatively.

"Today we'll be starting the basics of basketball. You'll need to partner up and we'll go over the basics: dribbling, passing, shooting. Okay, everyone, pick your partner!" He exclaimed as he blew the whistle.

"Bella?" Edward asked and I nodded. I supposed that it was a no-brainer that we would be partners today. Actually, I was starting to think to myself that Edward would probably take me as his partner or make sure that I ended up on his team everyday. Not that I minded... okay, yes I did mind. Edward was amazing at sports... I wasn't even good enough to call "mediocre".

Some things never change.

By the end of the class, I was glad that at least Edward found it amusing. He told me that he would walk me to my next class so that I didn't get lost if I waited for him to return the ball to the ball rack. Of course I would wait!

"You would think that you would have gotten better at sports after all of these years," he whispered in a low tone. I could feel his icy breath on my ear and I knew that if I had the power, goose bumps would have been crawling up my arms. It had been so long that I had waited and pined for his voice. Even though he was using it to be mean to me right now, I couldn't even find it in my power to scold him.

"Thanks, Edward," I replied dryly, trying - and failing – to keep the smile off of my face. I felt his arm wrap around my shoulders as he messed up my hair in a very Emmett style fashion, but he immediately dropped his hands to his sides again.

"Bella, can I see you after school?"

I shook my head 'no'. "I have to do my group therapy thing today after school," I replied. "And, I have to have permission to leave the house, you know? So unless we have some school project... for gym class... I don't think that I'll be getting any permission to spend time alone with you soon," I responded with a shrug.

Okay, yeah, that broke my heart. I really did want to spend time with Edward again. Even if we couldn't have what we once had..., my heart ached for him. I wanted to spend as much time catching up with him as I possibly could.

"Oh," he responded softly and I could tell that he was looking for a way to figure it out. "How long will you live at the home?"

"Until they kick me out – when I turn 18. So we've got some time yet," I told him gently. "Edward, really. I'd love to spend time with you. We'll just have to work it out, okay? Please be patient."

"I've waited 50 years, I suppose I can wait a couple more days," he resigned. I simply beamed at him in return.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then," I informed him as we approached my class.

"It's great getting to see you again, after all of these years," he told me. He pulled me into a quick hug and then turned and walked away, going towards his class.

I never thought that I would say that I was starting to enjoy school once more.


	8. Chapter 8

Stephenie Meyer owns all the rights.

"_Even better. He must like you."_

– _Twilight_

"Edward!" I squealed as my feet carried me as fast as _humanly_ possible to where he and his siblings were standing outside of the school. It had been nearly a week and a half since he had asked me to hang out after school one day, and I finally had my chance. I heard Emmett call an "incoming!" as my body slammed into Edward's. Edward, shocked from this rather unexpected contact, hugged me back confused.

"What's going on, Bella?" he asked me as I released myself from him. I grinned sheepishly. For the past week and a half, I hadn't been hinting that there was _any_ amorous feelings between me and Edward. I think that hug let him know that I still cared. Then again... he was a boy...

"I can hang out after school today!"

Everyone broke out with a rather large grin on their faces. It was fantastic – they were all happy for darling Edward.

"Sweet. What's your excuse?" Jasper asked me. I guessed that Edward had told them all why I couldn't hang out.

"Oh, nothing, really. I need help on physics and my teacher just happened to recommend his _best_ student, Edward Cullen. I accidently brought home an _F_ on that test that we just took on vectors, and Jasper!, I don't want to fail 11th grade... again... do I?"

That got an appreciative chuckle from everyone. Edward placed his hands cooly in the front pockets of his jeans and bit down on his lip, as if deciding. "Well, okay, Bella. If you really do need that much help in physics, I _suppose_ that I can help you."

"Too bad it's not in anatomy," Emmett whispered to Rose with a devilish look on his face. She chuckled appreciatively.

"Oi!" Edward exclaimed, smacking his older brother on the back of the head as the bell rang. That caused the group of us to break up to go to our first periods with pearls of laughter being shared between us.

The day seemed to drag on slowly after that. That was normally the most interaction that I got from the Cullen clan other than gym class with Edward. We were all in different lunches (or I should say, they were in different lunches. I had lunch A and they had lunch B), different classes, different social groups, even. The Cullen's still kept to themselves, as did I. But they were labeled more as "freaks" and I was more or less "the new girl". At least as the new girl, people still tried to talk to me about everything. But I was also labeled as a "trouble maker" and "drug addict" for being a runaway. I was all used to those names by now, though. I had only heard them for how many years prior?

"So how long do you have to study physics today?" Asked Alice kindly on our way home.

"Until 6 P.M. I have to be home in time for dinner."

"I'm sure you love _that_," Rose said with a grin.

Rose was coming around to me, which was a good thing. I was sure that we would never be the best of friends, but that was okay. I was just happy that she was looking at me and talking to me peacefully. I remembered how it had been when I was human... how much she had hated me. No one had ever really explained that to me, either, but it didn't matter now. That was so far in the past.

"Oh, you're right. I just _love_ dinner, especially when people are watching me eat because they think I have an eating disorder."

"Ew– they actually watch you eat?" Edward asked.

"I don't actually eat it, Edward!" I exclaimed, rolling my eyes. Sometimes he could be so silly.

The group chatted amongst things and I would occasionally chip my two cents in on our way back to the house. It didn't seem to take as long now that I was willing to go. As soon as we opened the front door, Esme was upon us. She gave all of her children hugs, but when she got to me, she paused and gave me a hug and a kiss.

"Oh, come on, Mom," Edward chastised her, "You're gonna embarrass poor Bella and she won't want to come back."

"It's okay, Edward," I said as I let go of his mother. I loved his mother dearly – she was probably the most kind, companionate soul that I had ever met. I remembered discussing the reasons of her death, and I almost shuddered. I couldn't help myself. How could anyone ever in a million years hurt a gentle creature like Esme? And, to lose her baby... I ached for her. Life hadn't been very fair to her.

"Is Carlisle at work?" Edward asked his surrogate mother.

"Yes, he'll be back around 4:30 or 5," Esme informed him pensively.

Edward nodded to something unsaid and motioned for me to follow him to the kitchen. He pulled out a chair for me, and I sat down in it. Edward rounded the table and sat directly across from me. I hoped that he didn't think I really needed to study physics.

"You know, I really don't need to study physics," I told him, wondering if he knew that or not. Knowing Edward, he probably thought that I was still not as smart as he and his siblings. Okay, I probably wasn't as smart as they were, but I was smart.

"Oh, no. I know that, Bella. I just... wanted to talk, and I figured that this would be as good a place as any..." his voice trailed off, and I recognized that he was waiting for me to tell him that it was fine.

"Yeah, it's fine," I informed him and he broke out my favorite lopsided grin.

I pondered possible reasons as to why he wouldn't want to take me up to his room like he used to, but I was sure that he had his reasons. I quickly cast the thought from my head because it wasn't important for me to know. If he wanted me in his room, he would just take me there. Okay, maybe he really didn't want anything more than friendship with me. Maybe I _had_ been too hard on him in the past couple of weeks.

I opened my eyes and saw his studying me. "You know, I still hate that."

"Hate what?" I asked, though I knew very well what he was talking about.

"Not being able to hear your thoughts. It's the single most annoying thing!"

"Oh, because I wouldn't know what it's like to not know what you're thinking 24-7. Edward, grow up already! I'm glad that you can't hear my thoughts. They're private and they're mine." I realized how harsh and rude that sounded the second it left my mouth.

"Oh, Edward," I apologized, "I didn't mean it to sound that rude."

"No, you're perfectly right," he informed me. "It's just... different than what I'm used to."

I nodded, understanding what he was talking about. I wouldn't chastise him again about him wishing to hear my thoughts. Not only did he know my opinion on the matter, but I felt horrible for what I just said to him. Oops. I should learn to keep my mouth shut and think silently that I was glad that he couldn't hear my thoughts. I hoped that I hadn't angered him too much, but looking into his eyes, they seemed calm and without anger. That was a good sign.

"So...," I struggled for what I wanted to say or ask him during our "study" time. "What have you been doing these past fifty years?"

"Oh, nothing of consequence..."

I glared at him. "Edward, I'd like to know. Unless, of course, there's a good reason that you don't want to tell me. I understand, if it's private or something." My mind, however, immediately flashed to the Denali Clan. I had met them once or twice on my travels and I knew exactly what they liked and loved – men. It was possible that, with Edward being such good friends with them and all, he had sought refuge and... _love_ from them at one point or another in the past 50 years. I tried to push the thought from my head, but I couldn't.

"I was basically worthless," Edward muttered lowly. I knew that everyone else in the house could probably hear him, but he didn't seem to care. Then it dawned on me that regardless, they had all lived with him for the past 50 years and knew what he would say because they saw it firsthand. I had no doubt in my mind that what Edward was about to tell me would be the honest truth. He leaned forward, so that his face was now closer to mine than it had been. I, on the other hand, didn't move closer.

"What do you mean?" I whispered softly. I couldn't imagine my Edward being 'worthless,' as he put it. But then again, I hadn't imagined him to want to be friends with me anymore, either.

"Bella, don't you get it?" I shook my head no, and he sighed. He leaned back some and took to rubbing his temples gently, trying to sort out his thoughts. There was a pregnant pause before he leaned towards me once more and started to talk again.

"I never wanted to leave you. – No, don't interrupt me, okay? – But when Jasper attacked you on your birthday, and everything had just happened with James, I was constantly worried about your life and about the danger that I was putting you in by simply existing. And then it dawned on me for another reason why I shouldn't be with you.

"It wasn't that you weren't worth it, Bella. It was because I was stealing your humanity from you. You knew that vampires existed and you were foolishly in love with one. He foolishly loved you back, thinking that he could keep you safe and not let any harm come to you. Bella, I was stupid to think that. I couldn't protect you; I wasn't any good at that. So how fair of me was it to deny you the one thing you wanted – to be a vampire, like me – but to say no because I was stealing your soul? What is the value of a soul worth versus the value of one's humanity? And, how could I justify you losing your humanity by being with me, or by losing your soul by me changing you?

"The truth is simple, Bella: I couldn't justify either. So I knew what I had to do. I sent off Alice and Carlisle and Esme and Emmett and Rose. I sent them off just like they had sent me off all those times before, when one of them had screwed up. And then I took you on that fateful walk in the woods, and I told you the deepest, darkest lie that I could think of: I didn't want you to come with me.

"Of, course, you didn't believe it. I could see it in your pretty eyes. You were trying to work it out in your head, but you couldn't understand. So then I told you the single most horrible lie that I could think of: I didn't love you anymore. And it crushed my heart, Bella, to see you suddenly comprehend why I didn't want you anymore. It dawned on you as if that really was truthful, but it wasn't.

"I've spent the past 50 years trying to live with myself. But I haven't been very successful, Bella. I need you to be complete in my life. I'll never forgive myself for all of eternity for what I've done to you or the pain that I've caused you. Never. And I'll never forgive myself for first, letting you be 'best friends', as you put it, with werewolves and second, letting Victoria bite you. I should have been there to protect you, Bella, but I wasn't. I was off wallowing in self pity.

"To be honest with you, I spent twenty years not living with my family over you. But then Alice had a dark vision of my demise, and Emmett and Carlisle came to rescue me. The family watched over me, made sure I fed when I needed to... they took care of me. In the past ten years or so, I finally got around to making an attempt to look human enough, to go hunting, to do everything that I'm supposed to do... but it's all been in a hollow lie. It hasn't really meant so much to me... until you entered my life a week and a half ago.

"Jasper is amazed at how well and how fast my emotions have healed up, just knowing that you exist still and that there could be a chance for me yet," he grinned sheepishly at me at this moment. "It's just a completely new ball park to know that you're still here."

I had remained silent throughout his speech. I was mesmerized by what he had told me. Needless to say, I was shocked to look up at the clock and find that it was forty five minutes later. I hadn't thought it had taken that long. I guess I just wanted to know what Edward had been up to.

"Do you forgive me?" His velvet voice asked me quietly.

I nodded my head 'yes'. Of course I forgave him! Why wouldn't I forgive him?! I loved the boy, didn't I? And, from what he was saying... was it possible that he loved me, too? I didn't think it could be, but I wasn't quite sure, either.

"That's all that I needed to hear," he murmured softly.

A millisecond later, Edward was leaning across the table and his granite lips had once again found safe harbor on mine.


	9. Chapter 9

Stephenie Meyer owns all of the rights.

_"So you see, Hell's not so bad if you get to keep an angel with you,"_

– _Twilight, Out take_

I sat there frozen against Edward's lips. They didn't feel cold against mine anymore, but I didn't mind. I had missed this closeness to Edward, and I was certainly glad that we were sharing it once again. I pulled away slightly and bowed my head, forcing my eyes to look up at Edward. His features seemed frozen.

"Was that okay? I didn't mean to be forward or anything," he said quickly, brushing away some stray hairs from my face. He looked slightly anxious as he awaited my answer.

"Of course it was 'okay'," I told him as I lifted my head.

How could Edward have thought that kiss was anything but okay? I had been waiting for it – or something like that – for 50 years now. I was thoroughly overjoyed that he had kissed me. There was no comparison in my life to how happy I felt right then and there.

Without warning, Edward leaned across the table once again and pressed his lips over mine. It felt as though an electric shock had passed through our bodies in synch from the passion that had built up between the two of us. Not that the kiss was heated or anything... yet. It's just that we both knew that we loved each other (still) and that there was all this passion that we hadn't dealt with in how many years.

My mouth parted slightly, but Edward didn't pull away this time. I realized that his 'rules' to keep me 'alive' were no longer valid since I had as good of a chance of dying as he did. Oh, my. I prayed that at least one of us had self-control.

I _also_ forgot that we weren't in Edward's bedroom. We were in the kitchen, where any member of the family could come and go as they pleased. That wasn't on my mind, though, as Edward and I were lip locked and deepening the kiss as much as we possibly could.I, too, was leaning over the table, holding onto Edward.

Oh, how I had missed this!

From somewhere behind us, I heard someone clear their throat rather loudly. Edward and I pulled away quickly, and I hid my face in my hands. How embarrassing! Through my fingers, I could see Edward's cheeky grin. I could only wonder who it was.

"Edward, Bella," I heard a warm voice greet us.

"Hi, Carlisle," Edward said happily to his 'father'.

I lowered my hands from my face and turned around to face Carlisle. "Hi, Carlisle," I said shyly to him. He had just come in from his shift at the hospital and was still in his doctor's clothing. I could see why the nurses at the hospital in Forks all thought that he was good looking, though in my un-biased opinion, he didn't hold a candle to Edward.

"I'm glad to see you both getting along better," Carlisle announced with a grin of satisfaction. "Bella, to what do we owe the pleasure of your visit? Edward had us all under the assumption that you weren't allowed to leave your residence." I could see that he was avoiding calling my 'residence', as he politely put it, a 'half-way house'. And I knew why: Carlisle had always been so polite. Half-way homes weren't places for girls like me.

"Oh, he was quite right about that. But you see, I _failed – _with flying colors, of course – a physics test. And, the director wasn't happy with me, so I just asked my physics teacher for the name of someone who could help me understand vectors, and it was _such_ a surprise to hear Edward Cullen's name come up as his best student. So, after talking to the director of the half-way home, we decided that it would be best if Edward tutors me in physics every night for a week. If my grade improves in physics, Edward will be forced to remain my tutor–" I shot Edward a glance, I hadn't told him that part. He seemed pleased with that knowledge. "–But if Edward sucks at teaching me, then he gets the boot."

Carlisle seemed happy with that sentence, too. "And what hours are you permitted to study physics with Edward – although it looks like you two were more or less studying anatomy when I came in." He grinned and even Edward had to let out a small laugh.

"From when school ends until six. For now, anyway. I have to be home for dinner and everything, since it's so apparent that I have an eating disorder."

"That sounds wonderful. Now, Bella, as a doctor, I must ask you: Do you have an eating disorder?"

"I only avoid foods that aren't 100 blood."

That got a booming laugh out of both Edward and Carlisle. Carlisle paused for a moment. I figured that he was having a silent conversation with Edward, who would occasionally nod his head or shrug. The exchange was quick, though, and if you weren't a vampire, it would have been over before you noticed anything odd.

"Well, Bella, I must say that I'm very happy to see you back. I do hope that you stay in our lives. You've brought such happiness back to the family, and I'll never be able to tahnk you enough for it," Carlisle told me. He patted my back gently before heading towards the stairs.

I was glad to hear Carlisle say that. I had been unsure of his reaction to me returning – or, showing up, I should say. I hadn't gone anywhere that I needed to return from, in my opinion. Even though he had seemed happy to seem me the week prior to this, I still wasn't sure if that was an accurate gage of his feelings. For all I knew, he was confused and upset to see me again. But hearing what he just said to me, I knew that he was completely and utterly happy to see me back again.

And that meant the world to me.

Everyone had been so accepting of me, I was thrilled by it. Never in all of my existence had I dreamed of this. Never had I thought that everyone, including Rose, would be happy to see m e again. I never thought that Edward would have needed me this much... would have missed me this much.

As far as I was concerned, this was perfection.

"Come," Edward said, taking my hand lightly as he pulled me to my feet. I obliged, following him up the stairs a couple of flights – although they didn't live in Forks anymore, the house they were in was roughly the same size as the mansion that they lived in there – and to his room. There was a beautiful window seat with lovely scenery painted out for me. Behind the house some was a small pond that was collecting even more water as the rain fell and a lush, magnificent forest that boomed behind it.

"When was the last time that you fed, Bella?"

"Oh. I don't know. A little before I came here. Probably.. Two and a half weeks ago," I admitted. I knew that it wasn't healthy to go that long without feeding. Even though I could remain in control, it still felt draining to be "hungry". And, it was harder to remain in control.

"Then, tomorrow, for our physics lesson, we're going to go hunting in those woods. Nothing major, okay? Just a couple of hours, whatever game we can find. Bring a spare change of clothing."

I shifted uncomfortably and Edward turned his gaze to me. I could tell that he was just wondering what I was being all 'upset' about now. Poor Edward probably thought that I was so needy or something like that. I took a deep breath before confiding, "I don't have any clothing that I can ruin. I only have three outfits."

"That's okay, Bells. You're small enough to fit into something of Rose's or Esme's. We'll work it out, don't you worry a bout it." I nodded and he gently brushed my cheek with his hand. It felt so nice, so comforting.

My watch beeped off. "Edward, I need to get going back to the half-way house. I don't want to be late; they might suspend me from taking lessons from you."

Edward nodded in understanding and held out his hand for me to take. "I'll walk you back, then."

We walked to the half-way house in almost complete silence, only offering words when we saw something that we thought was strikingly beautiful or something of that nature. Even though we were silent, I just loved how close we felt. You truly did need to feel close to someone to know that they loved you. I was so thankful to have Edward back in my life now.

"I'll see you tomorrow, student of mine."

"Of course, Sir."

And with those parting words, Edward swooped down and quickly planted a gentle kiss on my lips before disappearing into the rainy fog that surrounded our city.


	10. Chapter 10

Stephenie Meyer owns all of the rights.

"_I'm not good enough to be your friend anymore, or anything else. I'm not what I was before. I'm not good." — New Moon_

The hunt went well, as planned. I wore some of Rose's old clothes– the ones that she didn't care about and would have used for hunting eventually. She had a large closet full of clothing, it's not as if she needed it all. And, she didn't seem to mind lending it to me for the hunt. I was glad that we were on civil terms now.

Edward was surprised somewhat when he found out what my talent was. He sort of learned about it on our hunt, but later asked me to clarify it. I was good at hunting. Not just food, of course, but people, too. I was a tracker, I guess you could say. And, yes, that was a talent. I rarely used it – who did I want to find? – but I had it. And Edward told me that perhaps it could be of great use to me one day, if I wanted it to be. However, every time I thought about tracking a person, I couldn't help but remember James' cold, hard murderous plot involving me and tracking. Just because I had a talent didn't mean that I had to use it.

Now, three weeks later, Edward and his family were planning on going on a big hunting trip, with the exception of Jasper. Jasper wasn't going because he had just gone on a long hunt a little before his family, and he was good. Edward had told me that Jasper really just needed to 'purge' his feelings for a weekend because the sudden change in feelings around the house was driving him bonkers.

That being said, while the rest of the Cullen family was gone, I'd be "tutored" by Jasper. I think the real reason that Edward was making Jazz "tutor" me was because he was worried how his leaving would affect me in the long run. Trust Edward to think of something ridiculous like that. Okay, maybe I _would_ be a little anxious with Edward gone for four or five days... but I was sure that I could handle it myself.

"I'll see you in a couple days," Edward promised, his lips meeting mine softly. He broke the kiss and pulled me into a tight hug as he kissed my hair. I knew that he was gonna miss me, and I hugged him back pretty tight.

"I'll be fine," I assured him. "Jasper will take good care of me."

Before Edward could say anything else, Emmett beeped the horn loudly outside. The rest of the Cullen clan that was embarking on this "great adventure" were already out in the cars that they would be taking. Edward gently let me go and walked out to the car. I saw him smack Emmett once on the back of the head before they pulled out, bickering by the sounds of it.

"Those boys," laughed Jasper as he shut the door.

"I have two hours until I have to get back to the home," I told Jasper pointlessly. I knew that he probably already knew that.

The next few days went by rather quickly – given the circumstances, I mean. Jasper was a lot of fun to be around. During our time together, we talked about random things, played video games, redecorated Jasper's office (It was now a beautiful baby blue, in contrast to the original white color). We basically were just staying busy, but it was a good busy.

The night before the Cullen family was supposed to come back, Jasper asked me a serious question that I hadn't thought about for a long time. He said, "Bella, have you ever gone to college?"

I shook my head 'no'. "I couldn't afford college because I didn't have an endless supply of money – and I knew that I would have to change jobs every so many years," I hesitated, "But, once, after high-school, I took a training course type thing and started working for a police department and they moved me into their 'missing victims' unit. I suppose that Edward has told you about my 'skill'?"

"Yeah, he said that you're a good tracker. What city were you living in?"

I paused for a second, collecting my thoughts. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go into this matter with Jasper, but then I decided that it was Okay to trust him. "A suburb outside of Vancouver, Canada. I was, of course, working in Vancouver – such a beautiful city," I recalled.

I still thought that one of the prettiest cities that I had seen in my travels was Toronto, Ontario, but it was too sunny there for someone like me to live. Okay, so Vancouver wasn't the rainiest place on Earth, but I managed to get by. Vancouver was one of those cities that it was hard to live in, but if you were dedicated, you could do it.

"What did you do for your job, then?"

"Vancouver is a large city, so no doubt there are people missing and everything. I was put on my first missing person's case when I volunteered – it was a young girl, I think age 4 and a half, missing for 46 hours. I found her within two hours of being on the case. After that, I got a reputation of finding small clues that no one else thought mattered and finding a person – not to mention, I have a wicked sense of smell."

"How long did you stay there?"

I could tell that Jasper was intrigued by this side of me, and with due reason. He had never seen this side of me before. I was still very much so a guarded person around the Cullen Family, especially Edward. It wasn't that I was ashamed of it, per say, but there was so very much in my history that dealt with a darker past that I wasn't sure I wanted to let him see yet. One day I knew that I would let him in, but not just yet.

"I stayed for five years after the course I took ended. So that meant that I was pushing... nearly 25 years old. I didn't want to attract any more attention to myself than I already did."

"Did you enjoy it?"

"Immensely. I loved being able to help people, to help kids. It's almost always kids that get lost – occasionally a pregnant woman or something, too. Normally they're just running away from their husbands, though," I reported my findings to my confidant.

Jasper paused, and I could tell that he was trying to work something out in his head. "Then why didn't you do it again in a different city – Seattle or somewhere? I'm sure that you could have easily taken another course like that and kept doing it if you liked it so much."

"It took a toll on me."

"What do you mean?" Jasper questioned me, and I saw him glance up at the clock. We still had plenty of time left together to talk about this. More time that I would have liked, actually.

"Jasper, I don't know what to say. In Vancouver, in the five years that I worked there... I worked on 527 missing persons cases. Out of those cases, roughly 80 percent were children's cases. And out of that 80 percent, 33 percent of the cases ended up with the child dead. That's 139 dead children," I added so that he didn't have to do the math.

"Wow, Bella. That's..." His voice trailed off, and I could tell that he was at a loss for words.

"And...," I started, but never finished. I was scared of admitting what I wanted to tell him badly. It had been nearly 30 years since this had happened, and I had never told anyone. I felt awful for the thoughts that were racing around my head.

"It's okay, Bella. You can trust me, you can tell me."

I felt soothing waves emitting from Jasper's body and calming me. It felt really nice, and I knew that regardless of if he was using his powers to draw a response out of me, I would have told him. He was just a good person. Next to Edward, I think that he was one of my favorite people in the family. He just cared so much and did everything in his power – quite literally, in his case – to understand and help when he could.

"During the years that I lived in Vancouver, I made a really good friend. Her name was Madison Cunnings, and she was married to this really nice boy named Jeff. She was my best friend. I confided in her with everything, except for the fact that I'm a vampire. I wanted to tell her that, too, but I didn't know how to go about saying that. And, I knew that would get me and her and her family into deep trouble with... the Volturi."

I paused for a moment, wondering how I was going to phrase the rest of my thoughts and story together. This had all happened very long ago, but as I spoke about it, it felt so much more recent. Jasper laid a comforting hand on my own hand and I felt _deeply_ calmed. I thanked him by looking into his eyes and opening my mouth to speak once more.

"They had trouble conceiving a child, and when they did, they had a lovely baby girl whom they named Katherine. They named me as her god-mother. I was thrilled. Right before I quit my job, however, someone kidnaped beloved Katherine. He was another Vampire in the area, who hated me and wanted to get at me the easiest way possible. He took her to a suburb of Vancouver and murdered her – sucked her blood dry. She was three years old; he killed her on her birthday. Can you imagine how I felt when I had to go to my best friend and say, 'yeah, I found Kathy, but she's dead'? Jasper, it killed what was left of my ability to love.

"After that, I vowed to never do that kind of work again, never to get close enough to anyone again. I didn't want to get hurt anymore, Jasper. I was so tired of the pain that I felt every day and every night. It wasn't worth it to me. That's when I _really_ started posing as a runaway teen. It was safer."

Without any words shared between us, Jasper leaned forward and just hugged me tightly. "It's okay, Bella. Thank you for telling me that."

"Please don't tell Edward," I requested. "I'll tell him when I'm ready to tell him."

"I promise," he assured me.

I hadn't really used my tracking skill since everything with baby Katherine happened. I was glad, too. That was a part of me that I wanted to completely forget.

I was happy when Jasper walked me back to the home. I told them that I didn't feel well – and who could argue when my skin was so pale? – and spent the rest of the night lying in my bed. I knew that if I could cry, I would have cried myself to sleep that night. All I wanted to do was to tell Edward that same story, but I didn't want him to hate me for it, either. I was so nervous, yet so happy that he would be coming home soon.

I couldn't help but wonder how he would feel about my history when I told him the next day.


	11. Chapter 11

Stephenie Meyer owns all of the rights.

"_Love didn't work that way, I decided. Once you cared about a person, it was impossible to be logical about them anymore."_

– _New Moon_

Two days after telling Jasper, I was sitting with Edward discussing with him my history of tracking and why I didn't do it anymore. He listened to my story in wide-eyed shock, and when I was done, he pulled me into a tight hug.

"You're not mad at me?" I worried out loud. Yes, I had been in so much fear about telling him. Fear that he would think that I was weak for not being able to protect her or anger at me for getting so close to humans in the first place. Needless to say, his answer shocked me.

"Why would I be mad at you, Bella? You've suffered so much in the years that I left you – I will _never_ forgive myself for leaving you..." He said the last half in a low growl.

"Because I didn't protect her. And, Edward! Honestly - stop with that. You did what you had to do to _protect_ me."

"Bella, you can't save everyone. You're not superwoman."

I growled lowly in response. "Then why is it any different for you! You were doing what you had to do in order to protect me!"

"I didn't do a very good job of it, did I?" He questioned me darkly.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Victoria still got to you! My leaving didn't matter at all because you became a vampire!"

"So you rather I had died at her hand?" I questioned, my eyes full of anger. I had pulled my body away from his. Eyes squinting with anger, I was looking straight into his shocked eyes. I could tell you honestly that _this_ wasn't the reaction that he had expected from me.

"No! Bella, no! Of course not – I'm very happy that you're here with me today. But I just wish... I just wish that I could have stopped her from hurting you, instead of you having to rely on those filthy _dogs_."

A furious growl erupted from my throat as I pulled myself away from his touch completely. We were sitting on the couch in his bedroom and I walked away from the couch, angry. I moved so that I could see out the window – there was a furious thunder storm brewing outside, too.

"Do _not_ call them _dogs,_ Edward."

"Did you love Black, then?"

I growled again in response. "Of course I loved him! He was so innocent, so pure. Edward, you _weren't_ coming back. You _wanted_ me to be happy, to move on. I was trying so, so hard. And of course Jacob couldn't have my whole heart – I was far too damaged for that. But he had the part that was left of me. He loved me completely, just because of who I was. He didn't care if I was slightly mental and completely damaged. He wasn't you, but he tried so hard to protect me at all costs."

If I had the ability to cry, this is where it would have been used. I let a dry sob escape my body as I felt Edward's arms gently wrap around my waist and pull me close to him. I pressed my face against his arm, finding comfort in him once more. I hadn't meant to snap at him – I was just so very emotionally drained after telling him that story and then to have him challenge the very reason I was alive today!

"Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to insult him. I didn't know how much you cared for him." The apology sounded somewhat forced, but I could tell that deep down, he truly meant it. Oh, how I loved my caring boyfriend.

"It's okay. I'm sorry for making it such a big deal. I shouldn't have gotten upset with you in the beginning, anyway. And, Edward? I don't hate you for leaving me."

He didn't say another word to me, but he kissed me gently instead. I felt his hands on my face, his fingers lightly tracing my cheek bones. I was so happy in that moment. The kiss deepened and I knew that this was what had been missing in my life for so long. I was so happy to have finally found someone to love me - I was so shocked to know that it was Edward that loved me so much.

I think as life goes on and as you grow up more, you realize that not all dreams come true and that not everything is set in stone. One person's love for another can change in a matter of seconds and you can be left scrambling to pick up the pieces where they've fallen. You could set your eyes on a prize, and once you get it, realize that it's not as good as you thought that it was going to be. I was glad that after all this time, my prize – Edward – was still as good as I remembered him to be. I would forever be thankful and grateful to have him in my life.

A few moments of passionate kissing later, Edward and I untangled ourselves. Even though we didn't have to stop – we had no "lines" set up to protect me anymore – I did have to get going.

"We need to get you out of this home," Edward muttered darkly as he held an umbrella over our heads on our way back to the half-way house.

"Oh, I know. I'll leave eventually. Sometimes it's nice to have it, though."

"What do you mean?" He asked me, looking at me as if I was insane. Okay, so perhaps I was a bit insane. What did that matter any?

"It's not a family, but at the same time, it is. I would eventually like to go to a real college and maybe even get a job, but I'm not sure if I can do that right now. The half-way homes have always offered me a place to stay, Edward, when I had no one else."

"But now you have us!" He exclaimed, and I could see that he truly did want me to move in with him and his family.

"Shoreline won't be the place to do it. The next time you move – and don't you dare even think about moving just for this reason, Edward – I'll follow with you. Carlisle and Esme are free to spin the story that they've now adopted me as well, but it's up to them, okay?"

"You know they'd move for you in a heartbeat, Bella. Esme still gets all choked up over seeing you hold my hand or seeing the way that you look at me. She told me the other night, 'Edward, I'm so thankful to know that you have Bella in your life now. I can see how happy she makes you – I'm happy to have my son back'. Bella, they'd move for you in a heartbeat. They just love you so much and they want us both to be happy. Please, I've moved for them so many times!"

"Not yet, Edward. I... let's finish out the year here, and we'll see where that goes. We've only got three more months of school left, anyway."

We were back where we had started in Forks: an impasse. Neither one of us was going to budge, but in the end it was Carlisle's decision to move his family once more. I'm sure that Edward could have been very persuasive if he had wanted to, but I wasn't sure that Carlisle would say 'yes' if he knew that I was dragging my heels.

I know that it sounded like I didn't want to be with Edward anymore, but that was far from the truth. I really, really wanted to be with Edward. I just wasn't going to inconvenience his whole family on account of me wanted to live with him and be with him always. It seemed to me that Rosalie had only just started to accept me completely, and I didn't want her angry at me on account of them having to move again. Somehow, I figured that this would all come to a rather large, possibly heated, family discussion.

"Will they just let you leave?" He asked me.

"When I turn 18 – if I want to leave before then, I either have to run away or go back to live with my parents. I am very capable of running away; I've done it before, I can do it again."

"We'll have a discussion about this tomorrow."

I made a face, which caused him to laugh a little. He ruffled my hair as he walked me to the door and kissed me gently before disappearing into the thunder storm.

Another damn impasse.


	12. Chapter 12

Stephenie Meyer owns all of the rights.

'_You wanted me to be human,' I reminded him. 'Well, watch me.'_

"_Please. For me."_

'_But you won't stay with me any other way.'_

– _New Moon_

We kept putting off the 'chat' that we had wanted to have for various reasons. Not enough time together as it was, didn't want anyone to over hear it, had to go hunt... we had many excuses every day to not talk about it. To not talk about the Cullen family moving so that I could be with them. The truth of the matter was that neither of us wanted to talk about it; we both thought that the other was being utterly ridiculous.

The last three months of school came and went rather quickly. I was happy to see the last day of school, and it was fun to watch Emmett, Rose and Jasper all graduate. It was only Edward, Alice and I who weren't seniors.

The therapist at the half-way house told the director that he thought the Cullen's were good for me, so I was allowed to attend their graduation party after graduation. They were having the party solely because I could go; no one else was invited, but the director didn't need to know that. What they didn't know wouldn't hurt them.

"Congratulations, guys," I murmured to each of the graduating Cullen's as I hugged them tightly.

"Oh, you know. It feels like I've done this before," cracked Emmett. I grinned. Stupid Emmett. His jokes were hardly funny, but I couldn't help but laugh at them. For whatever reason, Emmett tried _so_ hard to be funny and it hardly ever worked out that way.

"Guys, I want to talk to the family about something," Carlisle announced after the family had chatted for about twenty minutes or so. I felt slightly uncomfortable, not knowing if I was supposed to stay or go or what.

"Bella- stay," Carlisle ordered, putting to rest my thoughts on the matter. "This concerns you as well," he added kindly.

I nodded as I sat down on the picnic bench next to Edward. It was a nice day outside – the clouds were dense today and there was a high chance of rain. Not a thunderstorm, though, because I heard Edward asking Alice if we would be able to play a game of baseball later and she had replied with a "no".

Edward gently took my hand in his and ran his finger over my knuckles. I had a feeling that I already knew what Carlisle was going to say, but I didn't make any mention of it. I didn't want to get my own hopes up and then just have them crushed around me. That wouldn't be fair. Besides, just because I wanted something didn't mean that I was going to get it.

"I think that it is safe to say that it is time for us to move. We've lived her for two and a half years now, and I don't think I can push my age any farther at this moment. There are people in the hospital who are starting to get suspicious of us – right Edward?"

Edward nodded. "Yes, I heard their thoughts a couple of weeks ago when I came to see you there."

I scrunched my nose. I didn't know that Edward had gone to the hospital, let alone heard thoughts about whether or not it was safe for his family to stay here. So much for keeping secrets from each other. Part of me wanted to strangle him for not telling me, the other part didn't mind because he _was_ entitled to his right of privacy.

"Before you alerted me to that fact, I had that feeling of unease that I sometimes get. We're going to be moving in a week," Carlisle declared to his family. I wore a shocked look on my face, but no one else seemed to be shocked. Everyone else just nodded their heads and murmured their agreements with Carlisle. It really did seem as if they all trusted Carlisle to bring them through in the best way possible. It made me happy to know that Carlisle and Esme considered me to be "family".

"What that means is, Bella, I'm asking you to come along with us. To officially be part of our family. We'll just tell everyone that you're adopted – you can even keep your own last name if you want. Don't feel as if you have to come, though," he added gently.

I was aware that everyone seemed to be staring at me, which was kind of unnerving. I nodded my head to show that I comprehended what he had said, swallowed and opened my mouth to talk, but I had to close it. It seemed as if no words were going to come from me before I really thought it through for a moment. I frantically looked to Edward, my wild eyes searching his calmer ones.

"I...you... I... yes, that's fine," I replied to Carlisle as I turned my face back to him. "I'd love to come along, if you'll have me..."

"Of course we'll have you, Bella!" Esme exclaimed, and I could just see her bubbling with happiness over my response.

"Where are we moving to?" Jasper asked.

Alice, however, answered before Carlisle could. "We're moving to Colorado."

"Yes," Carlisle replied. "A city called Fraser. It's really cold there. And they have a growing season of only 4-7 days long, so I'm pretty sure that it's not going to be too sunny there."

Everyone seemed to nod in agreement. It didn't matter to me where they were moving – I was moving with them! That was so exciting. To me, it was like Christmas or something. Edward was still holding my hand, and he leaned close to me and gave me an adorable peck on the cheek. I was so very happy that I would finally get to live with the Cullen's. I had considered them my family for so long.

"So, Bella. How are you going to get out of the half-way house?" asked Emmett. I could tell that everyone was truly interested in figuring out how I was going to leave.

"Oh, I don't know yet. Probably just leave; they aren't my legal guardian, they can't really stop me. Or, I'll just run away one night. The only problem is that it puts you guys in an interesting situation."

"How so?" inquired Rose.

"Well, they know that I've been spending a lot of time around here. I'm just worried that they'll be afraid that you've kidnaped me once they figure out that you're gone, too. And I don't want them to come after you – that's not fair."

"No, I don't think they will," Alice informed us, opening her beautiful, sun-kissed orbs. "I don't see them coming for us."

"If you say so..."

"Bella, it's not like we haven't gotten into a spot of trouble with the law before, anyhow. We're willing to risk it for you. You _are_ worth it." Jasper told me. I remembered that he knew that I wasn't feeling as if I was worth all of this trouble. It was reassuring to know that he thought so. Edward seemed to think so, too, because he hugged me and kissed me.

Edward walked me home that night, although some of his siblings wanted to come with us. He told them "no" because he wanted alone time with me. That was sweet of him, though he had alone time with me mostly every day. I didn't really mind, though. It didn't bother me. I liked having alone time with Edward.

"Do you really think that you're not worth it?" Edward blurted out before he could stop himself. Or perhaps he was truly wondering, because as far as I knew, Edward had marvelous self-control.

"Sometimes," I muttered.

"Do you really think that we'd leave you here, though?"

I shrugged my shoulders, not wanting to respond. He sighed and just held me close. I was glad that we had a connection like this. Where neither of us really had to talk, but we knew that everything was Okay. I loved my Edward.

"Carlisle wanted to ask me if you'd be okay with leaving tomorrow. He said that you and I can get a day head start on the rest of the family."

"That's fine," I replied, thinking that it'd be nice.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning at about 7:45, then." And before I could protest, Edward had kissed me and was already running back to his place.


	13. Chapter 13

Stephenie Meyer owns all the rights.

_"We watched zombies eat people. It was great."_

– _New Moon_

The next morning was predictably dreary and dull. The gray sky seemed to have lost it's normal magnificence; normally it seemed as if it were a sparkling gray. Today, it just seemed to be dull gray. I wondered, idly, if that meant anything or if I was just being weird. I decided that I was just being weird.

"Director," I called out around 7:40 AM. Edward was to be here within five minutes and we, the girls, were doing some kind of yoga. I didn't like yoga very much; although it didn't challenge me like it challenged others, I had just always liked other things more. What, I wasn't sure... but I knew that yoga wasn't on the top of my list of ways to spend my life.

"Yes, Bella?" asked the Director of the half-way home. She had walked over towards me, though she was keeping a watch on all the girls still, making sure that they were following the tape to a T.

"May I step outside for a moment? I'm feeling kinda lightheaded – it's a bit hot in here." I knew that I was really pale and that it was impossible for my skin to flush, so I was hoping that the kind director would believe me. As far as she knew, I hadn't lied to her. And, Edward _would_ have tutored me in physics had I actually needed the help. It's not my fault that I was simply amazing at it, was it? Still, the director didn't know that full story, and I wasn't keen on her finding out – ever!

"Yeah, you _do_ look a bit pale. Are you sure you're okay to go out by yourself, Bella?"

"Yeah. I just need a breath of fresh air and I'll be fine. I'll be back in just a couple of minutes," I lied. I had gotten a lot better at lying, since the first time that Edward knew me. Besides, if anyone ever thought that I _was_ lying, I could just dazzle them like I had watched the Cullen's dazzle the secretaries at the high school in Forks. That had always been a funny thing to see, and I was happy that I could now dazzle people all by myself.

"Alright. Just come back in soon," she told me before her eyes darted back to the other girls. I nodded sheepishly and walked out to the front porch.

All of my things – well, all of my clothing that I owned – was still upstairs. I didn't need it; I wouldn't miss two outfits. Alice and I never did go shopping like Edward had wanted us to, but I figured that now that I wouldn't have a curfew and now that we would be living in Colorado, we could go shopping after we got settled in there. I wasn't concerned about clothing, anyway. I could care less about that kind of thing. It all seemed so trivial compared to the fact that _I was moving in with the Cullen family!_

Eek! I was so excited, I was practically skipping my way out of the half-way house.

Edward was already parked outside the house in a car that I didn't recognize. Well, I had seen it before at the Cullen house, but I had never really seen him drive it. It occurred to me just then that the Cullen children had always walked to school in Shoreline, which struck me as odd. They all had the need for speed, but they never drove to school? Weird. I wondered why, but I didn't really need to know.

I quickly walked to the passenger side door and climbed in.

"Ready?" Edward asked me, giving me a cautious glance. I could tell that he was worried that I would have second guesses about leaving with him or something. I wish that he wouldn't think that, because I wouldn't. I would go anywhere for Edward; I would do anything for Edward. I just wish that he realized that.

"Of course," I replied, and I heard him let out a breath that he had been holding. He gently put the car into reverse, and I was surprised that it made hardly no sound as he backed out of the driveway. That was a good thing; if I was having problems picking up on the sounds that the car was making, then there was no way that the director or any of the girls inside heard it moving away from the house. There was no way that they'd know that I was gone until it was too late.

I took Edward's hand as he drove us out of town. He didn't seem to have a map in the car, but he also seemed to know exactly where we were going. It surprised me, but I knew that it shouldn't. Edward had how much free time on his hands to study a map and learn the fastest, easiest route to a city that he would be living in. I guess that was one of the plus sides to having a photographic memory.

That's not to say that I didn't have a photographic memory – I did have a photographic memory. I just didn't think to ever use it for studying maps and directions and things like that. I guess that was because when I was leaving a place, I normally didn't have a contingency plan in my head; I had no idea where I was going to end up next, just that I was going to try to stay in the rainy Northwest Peninsula. Most of my years had been spent in the Northwest Peninsula; I had seen very few cities outside of it. Colorado was going to be quite interesting. It would be totally different from what I'm used to.

"You're going to love the house in Colorado," Edward informed me. I glanced over at the speedometer, and it was reading at about 125 miles per hour. Somehow, that didn't bother me. I guess that when you're invincible yourself, it doesn't bother you to be doing things that would get a mortal killed.

"What's it like?" I asked, wondering if he knew. I knew that he probably hadn't lived there before, but Carlisle probably filled him in with the majority of the details so that he found the right house. It would be a bad thing if Edward didn't find the right house! I, however, found faith in the boy and trusted his instincts to be good.

"Well, Carlisle was telling me about it earlier. It's kinda like an old, deserted mansion. Three stories, very spacious. It's white on the outside and it has a lot of windows. Our room is on the third floor," he added with a grin.

I stared at him a moment. I liked how that sounded – 'our' room. I liked how permanent that made it sound. I needed Edward to be very permanent. It wasn't that I was totally insecure – okay, yes it was – I just needed to know that he was staying with me. That he wasn't going to leave me.

Edward, however, must have taken my silence for something other than happiness. "You don't have to stay in the same room as me, if you don't want," he informed me quickly. Had I not been a vampire, I doubted that I would have been able to process the words that came out of his mouth. It was kinda cute, his worrying over me not wanting to room with him. Too bad that was the furthest thing from the truth.

"No, Edward. I want to. I was just thinking of how amazingly lovely that would be," I confirmed for him. I could see him ease up just a bit. I liked him better when he was relaxed.

Edward took his eyes off the road and gazed into my identical golden orbs. He gently cupped my chin with his hand, allowing his thumb to caress my cheek bone. I felt his hand slip away from my chin and his fingers tangled themselves in my hair. I saw him glance back at the road momentarily before looking at me again.

"How I've missed this simple touch," came Edward's smooth, velvet tone.

I glanced down, then shyly moved my eyes back up to meet his own. We continued like this – his eyes occasionally skirting the road – for quite some time. I don't know how long it was; when you're immortal and never sleep, time can be a hard thing to keep track of.

By nightfall, we were in Fraser. It seemed like a small enough town. The house that we were going to be living in was secluded in lush forests on the very western edge of town. Just looking at the house from the outside made me happy; it was beautiful – I was finally "home". I couldn't wait to start making memories with Edward. I couldn't wait for our future together to begin.

"It's beautiful," I murmured softly.

Edward grinned and lead me to the front door. He opened it slowly and flicked on the light to the foyer. It was _huge_. And that was an understatement.

"Come on," Edward persuaded me with that favorite crooked smile of his. He pulled me towards the stairs and up them. I knew that we were going to 'our' room.

I was noticing that there was already furniture in the house. Occasionally I would stop and pull Edward with me, so that I could peer into a room. "How did the furniture get here already?" I asked Edward, surprised.

"Carlisle had it moved in a couple of days ago so that it would be here, waiting for us. It's mostly new – if you haven't noticed, we don't like to take all of our stuff with us when we leave a place. It's easier to just buy new furniture," Edward said with a non-committed shrug and pulled me back towards the stairs. We climbed to the third floor and he slowly pushed open a door.

I felt my breath being taken from me. It was a good thing that I didn't have to breathe, or I probably would have passed out! It was _beautiful_ in the room. Everything was a cream color. There was a large queen size bed on the one side of the huge room, and a couch on the other. Edward's stereo system was set up already, along with all of his CDs. There were two dressers already set up, one with a large mirror. And, I could see in the one corner of the room there was a large closet – it was a walk-in and you could have probably fit so much junk in there that it wasn't funny. I knew that Alice would be able to fill hers up in no time, but I doubted that I could ever make a dent in mine, it was that huge!

"Like it?" Edward chuckled. His hand was resting on the small of my back.

"I love it, Edward," I murmured softly. I turned around so that I could look into his deep eyes. I kissed him gently on the lips, wanting to somehow thank him for this beautiful present. I had a feeling that the design and layout for the room came from mostly him.

He kissed me back passionately, pulling me about as close to him as I could be. I kissed him with just as much intensity, my hand slipping up his shirt as I did so. He slowly bit down on my lower lip and slipped his own hand up the back of my shirt. I felt him playing with the clasp on my bra, but I wasn't about to help him. I pushed myself up against him with a fierce desire.

In all these years, I had never imagined such passion between two people. I was very happy when I felt Edward fumbling backwards towards the bed, pushing me with him. We hadn't broken our lip lock yet. I fell softly to the bed and allowed the kiss to break for just a moment while we pulled our shirts off of our torsos. They fell to the ground, soon to be followed by our pants.

Judging by the way things were going between Edward and I at the current moment, I was very glad that Carlisle had suggested that we come alone for the first day.


	14. Chapter 14

Stephenie Meyer owns all of the rights.

"_I was thinking, while I was running..." He paused._  
"_About not hitting the tress, I hope."_  
"_Silly Bella," he chuckled. "Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about."_  
"_Show-off," I muttered again._  
–_Twilight._

It was nice to have alone time with Edward; I had longed and waited for alone time for so long. I had missed having the alone time that we used to share, many years ago. But somehow, the alone time that we had now was so much... sweeter than before. I guess that was because I wasn't so fragile, I could do other things with Edward now. Things that I had only _dreamed_ about in my sleep.

You know, you get used to not sleeping and not dreaming after a while. Your dreams take form in other ways – they become you mantras and your hopes. They become the force that keeps pushing you on in your life when you feel like giving up. Even though I didn't have the ability to sleep anymore, I still dreamed. I doubted that I would ever let go of the ability to dream; It had kept me sane for many, many years now. I was very thankful for that, too. It's hard when you spend most of your time alone unless you have something else to occupy your thoughts. For me, that distraction that I need so much was dreaming. It was so human, but I loved it.

Since I had rediscovered Edward and his family, however, I needn't dream as much. My mantras – _just make it through today and you'll find someone who cares for you; Edward didn't love you, but that doesn't mean that you should give up; Edward didn't love you, you're too fragile, Bella. You've got to prove him wrong. Be strong, carry on. _– had disappeared almost as quickly as Edward had disappeared all of those years ago. I didn't need a mantra anymore to keep me going; Edward was enough for now, enough for forever.

Forever wasn't half as long as you would have thought. Forever was all relative. When you were spending time with the person that you loved, it didn't matter. You didn't need to worry about how much longer you were damned to existence. Having someone that loved you was reason enough. I could finally appreciate what Esme saw in Carlisle, Rose saw in Emmett, Alice saw in Jasper. I knew that they saw forever as being such a shorter sentence to them because they had someone there for them.

Edward had brought about my happiness.

"Wow, there's a whole lot of love in this house," I heard Jasper's voice call out.

I had been lying in Edward's arms on the bed upstairs. I never even heard the other cars pull up to the house; I guessed that I was really out of it at the moment. It had been hours since we had made love on this bed, hours since we had showered together, hours since we had arrived at our new home. It took me by complete surprise to hear the rest of the family walking into the house – I hadn't realized it had been _that_ long.

Although we had only been granted a days head start, it seemed like they were here too early. Edward and I were still talking quietly, still falling in love more. I wasn't going to get upset about it, though. I knew that Edward loved me and I was happy that his family was finally here. It made me feel good to know that we were all back together... although I still was wishing that we had more alone time. I was sure that we could arrange for it to happen.

I lifted my head off of Edward's chest and sat up on our bed. I stretched my arms out in front of me for a second, smiling as Edward chuckled at me. He sat up, too, and smoothed down the back of my hair, which was currently sticking up a bit from the position I had been in. I didn't care, though.

"Jasper is wondering if we had sex," Edward whispered to me, pressing his lips against my throat. I felt his hands pull at my sides, pulling me closer to him.

"Oh?" I murmured, pressing my own lips against his stone arm. After I kissed his arm, I moved my lips away and pressed my cheek against his shoulder, letting him hold me close. My arms wrapped around him gently. I loved my Edward.

"It's none of his business."

"Mhm," I murmured, keeping Edward happy. I didn't care if his family knew – hello, they all had their special talents. I'm sure that they were also smart enough to know what Edward and I had done together. I also knew that most of them had enough tact in their head to not ask us such a personal question – at least, not out loud. Whatever they thought in their own heads was Edward's problem, not mine.

"Come on, they're wondering where we're hiding," he said with a sigh. Before I could respond, Edward swept me up in his arms and was carrying me down the stairs. He ignored my protests and silenced them by placing his lips against mine. I didn't mind that. Really, I didn't. Who would?

Edward set me down on my feet quickly, just as Esme and Alice came into the foyer, where the stairs were. I was holding Edward's hand and smiling sheepishly with my cheek pressed against his arm once more.

"There you two are," Esme said, delighted. I could tell that she was happy to see us here, happy to see how happy we seemed. I was glad; I knew that Esme was constantly worried about Edward's happiness, along with my own. Esme was such a great mum to the Cullen's. I knew that although she wasn't much older than most of the 'children', she cared about them as if they were her own kids. And for the most part, I could tell that the 'kids' enjoyed having a mother figure, along with a father figure.

"Bella, we've _just got_ to take you shopping!" Alice exclaimed with the widest grin I'd seen on her in ages. To me, she still reminded me of a small pixie. She was beautiful as always, but I was quite wary about wanting to go shopping with her. I still didn't like the idea of money being spent on me, no matter how much money Carlisle and everyone else had accumulated over the years! It still wasn't fair in my eyes. It made me feel weird, too.

"We?" I asked, warily.

"Yes! Me 'n Esme 'n Rose," Alice said with a nod. She seemed set on how this was going to happen.

"Yes, Bella. We're going to take you shopping – you'll need new clothes." Esme was the voice of reason. Perhaps if she were there, she could help... rein Alice and Rose in a bit? I wasn't sure if Esme was a big shopper or not; somehow, I couldn't see her saying 'Oh, this would look _fabulous_ on you, Bella! Try it on – Oh! And this, too!'. That was more of an Alice or Rose thing, in my mind. Then again, what did I know?

Alice looked intently into Edward's face. I'm sure that she was asking him something that she didn't want me to hear, and sure enough, Edward grinned and nodded his head. It really frustrated me sometimes that Edward would have secret conversations right in front of me – it made me nervous as to what was going to be happening in the near future. Unlike Alice, I didn't possess the skill of seeing the future, although I thought that it might be handy. Especially in situations like this.

"Fine," Edward concluded his conversation with Alice out loud. She clapped her hands together and wore an expression that showed she was happy. I gulped. This could be bad.

"But you've got to have Bella back here in five hours, no more than that," he warned his sister and mother.

"Protective, aren't we?" Alice joked and Edward growled in response. I saw Esme give him 'the look' – you know, the one that disapproving mothers use in numerous situations – and it was his turn to wear a sheepish smile.

"Have fun, Bella," Edward told me before he bent down and kissed me on the lips. "I'll see you in a bit," he whispered as our lips pulled apart and he gave me a gentle enough shove towards his mother and Alice. Esme and Alice each took one of my hands and led me out to where Rose was waiting in her car.

I slid in the backseat with Esme and Alice took shotgun. I must admit that Rose had a very, very nice car. It was a brand new BMW – the version that I was pretty sure was only available overseas right now. It's engine hardly made a noise as she sped up, quickly surpassing the speed limits on our way to a mall. The leather interior smelled nice – you could tell that it was a new car, not only by the condition that it was in but by the smell of it.

"Here's fine," Alice agreed with Rose as Rose silently parked the car. Aside from a few soft spoken words to Alice, I hadn't heard Rose say a thing since I got in the car with her. I hoped that she didn't mind doing this with us; I could totally see Esme shaming her daughter into doing something like this for me. I prayed that wasn't the case.

The mall wasn't crowded. Occasionally we would pass a group of high-strung teenage girls and I would remember the thirst in my body. Edward and I would have to take a hunting trip, and soon. It felt like I was going to be struggling with my thirst all night; I shouldn't have been so foolish. I had been very foolish to let myself get so thirsty, but the options in the woods behind the house in Shoreline had been few and far between. I vowed to go hunting soon, and drink enough so that I wouldn't be so tempted again.

Rose seemed to know what I was feeling, and she gave me an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Bella. We didn't even think about that when we made plans to take you shopping tonight. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, thanks," I said softly. Esme gave me a curious glance - she hadn't seemed to notice my leering. "I'm just a bit thirsty."

"Oh, Bella! I'm sorry!"

"No, no. It's fine, Esme. It's fine. Let's just get this done with." I still wasn't too keen on the whole shopping trip idea, but since I was here, I should make the best of it.

First we stopped in a low end store, much to my delight. Everything was really cheap and I was happy, figuring that I could just get everything here and not spend too much money while I was at it. Alice, however, burst my bubble by just saying that we were getting some clothes for when I went 'camping'. Oh, how I hated her and her fashion sense sometimes.

We made rounds to some of the haute couture stores that graced the mall; I wasn't really a fan of the high fashion, but Alice talked me into a couple of outfits that weren't too extravagant or over the top. Alice and Rose both got some outfits as well, which made me feel better to know that they were the ones doing the most damage to the bank account.

It was interesting to watch Alice at work in the higher end stores; the sales attendants would call her "Miss" and offer to help in every way imaginable. All she had to do was flash her credit card and it was as if any request that we could make would be granted to us. I had never seen a credit card like the one that Alice had before, so I guessed that it was for the rich people only. But, what did _I _know about credit cards, after all?

We also hit some decently priced stores – stores that reminded me of Debs or Delia's from when I was a girl – and I found most of my clothing choices there. Esme helped me pick out cute outfits that she thought Edward would like. Alice and Rose helped, too, but Esme was the most sympathetic and would just have to give the girls her 'look' and they would leave me alone for the most part.

I think that we probably spent more in every store than the stores normally made in a week. That was just a guess, though.

As you know, any trip to the mall is _not_ complete without a trip to Victoria's Secret or Fredericks of Hollywood or the like. We found a boutique that was individually owned similar to Fredericks, and Alice quickly pulled me in. I knew that I would most likely be blushing my face off right about now if that was a possibility. She had the sales lady measure me quickly. Alice then proceeded to buy bras in almost every style – most of them were pushups, I must admit – and some lacy underwear too.

I felt so embarrassed! Alice, of course, wouldn't listen to anyone. She wouldn't listen to my protests or even Esme. All Alice would say is, "You'll thank me later, Bella." I didn't doubt it, but still! I was _not_ prepared to be buying lingerie, thank you very much. Alice also made sure to buy me a silky nightgown, though I had no clue when I'd wear it.

"Just trust me," Alice scolded me as I stood fuming next to her. She had once again handed over her credit card and charged a _lot_ of money. I didn't know how much – the thought of looking at the monitor made me feel sick – just that it was a lot.

"Fine," I mumbled, clearly not happy with what Alice had just done. I took the bags from the counter grudgingly and we walked out of the store. At least Alice was happy.

We left the shopping mall with lots of bags in our hands. To be honest, the bags completely filled the large trunk in Rose's BMW. It reminded me of a BMX 650i, but I couldn't be sure. I didn't see a name printed anywhere on the back of the car. Esme and I once again climbed in the back seat and Alice sat next to Rose happily.

We were home in no time, but I noted that we had been gone for about three and a half – closer to four – hours. It was withing Edward's time "restraint", though I wasn't quite sure why he needed me home. All I could guess at was that he wanted my company, but not enough that he would endure shopping with Alice for it.

I didn't blame him.

We arrived home to find the boys sitting on the couch, talking. I was wary of what they were talking about, but they all seemed happy to see the girls coming home. Carlisle excused himself and took Esme's hand as they walked up the stairs together. They were such a cute couple; it made me very happy to see them together. Rose and Emmett also excused themselves, though I watched them walk out to the garage where Rose had parked her beemer.

"I'm happy that you're so happy, Bella," Jasper commented.

"Huh?" I asked, slightly confused as I sunk into the couch next to Edward. His arm was around my shoulder the second that I sat down.

"I could just feel the... love... when I walked into the house. It made me feel very good," he informed me with a smirk. I knew that he knew – he had to have known. Alice probably knew, too, but she wasn't discussing it with me. That was good. I liked it better that way.

"I've always wanted to walk into the house like that and know that was what Edward was feeling," he continued. Alice was waiting patiently for him to finish talking. I think that she wanted to have a private – or as private as it could get in a household of good hearing vampires – with Jasper.

"Anyway, I wanted to thank you for making my brother so happy," he concluded as he got up. He leaned towards me rather quickly and gave me a peck on the head before leaving with Alice. I smiled after him, happy that he didn't have to avoid me anymore. I remembered how that always used to bum me out when he would avoid me. I understood why, though, and I didn't let it bother me.

"So, what'd you girls get?" Edward inquired, his fingers tracing my face.

"Oh, you know. Stuff."

"_That's_ helpful," he said as he rolled his eyes at my answer.

"Just clothing, Edward. Anyway, do you think that we'll be able to go hunting tomorrow or something. Maybe stay overnight somewhere? I'm _so_ thirsty, Edward, it's not funny."

"Yeah, that'd be fine. I could go for a hunt, too."

"Great!" I exclaimed. I was happy that he was going to be going hunting with me. This would be our first 'big' hunting trip together. The first one where we got to go away, anyway. I knew that it would be exciting.

"There's a good spot about two hours North of here," he informed me. "That's what we were talking about when you girls got home."

I nodded in understanding and he bent down to kiss me again. I hadn't been planning on taking any of that lingerie with me, but on second thought... maybe I would.


	15. Chapter 15

Stephenie Meyer owns all of the rights.

_And then, as clearly as if I were in immediate danger, Edward's velvet voice whispered in my ear._

"_Be happy," he told me._

_I froze._

– _New Moon_

Hunting with Edward had turned out to be a _fun_ ordeal.

I had chosen against taking some of the sexier, more revealing clothing with me and just settled for the stuff that Alice had intended I wear hunting. Colorado was nice; it had a ride array of animals to chose from. My favorite animal that we had found so far on the hunt? Bison. Edward seemed pleased with that, too, though I could tell he would have been happier with a nice, healthy mountain lion. Ah, well. We couldn't always live with the mountain lions.

Going in for the kill was the easy thing. Once you were out in the forest – in the wild, secluded from all human life forms – it was easy to let go of the facade that we had set up. It was easy to let go of having to follow rules and not trust our instincts. It was just easy to be a... vampire. Of course, hunting was when you felt the most like a vampire. For us, anyway. To abstain from human blood – what we lived for, in essence – was hard, but to hide the instincts that we relied so heavily on was horrible.

Sinking your teeth into a nice, large bison could make you feel better about it. Sure, the blood didn't taste as _good_ or as _pure_ or as _fulfilling _as human blood, but we could make due with what we had. I wasn't about to complain; I thoroughly enjoyed living the life that Carlisle had wanted his family to live. Besides, if anything, I was doing it for Kathy.

I hadn't hunted a human since Kathy's brutal murder. She hadn't deserved to die, I knew that. But, then my mind tried to reason with me - and it won. What was the difference between Kathy's murder and me murdering someone else because I was _thirsty_ and couldn't resist? I came to a solid conclusion of the fact that there was _no_ difference, and that's why I was strictly "vegetarian" now. I had tried before Kathy's murder to live this lifestyle, but for whatever reason, I always found it easy to fall off the bandwagon. Now I had a reason not to.

"Bella," Edward called to me, his voice bringing me back to the present.

"Yes," I replied, looking up to him. I was kneeling in front of the bison that I had taken down just a bit earlier. I had just finished drinking from it, and I hastily wiped the blood off of my chin. My clothes were a mess, of course. I was surprised to find that Edward didn't look far off from me. Don't get me wrong – he was still god-like, his gold eyes beaming at me, his clothes bloody and probably torn.

"Ready to go home?" he inquired softly. It was our second day on the hunt already and I was sure that both of us were properly sustained. It didn't matter much right now because school wasn't in session and I wasn't going out of my way to see humans. But even if I did see a human – on the rare, off chance that I did – I was okay. And Edward was too, judging by how brilliantly gold his eyes were.

"Sure," I said as I pushed myself to my feet. Edward reached out and took my hand in his.

An hour and a half later, I was grateful to be pulling into the driveway. We had taken Emmett's jeep with us on the hunt. It reminded me of the first jeep that he had when I had known him before. He really did like to off road, so I guessed that these were probably the best types of cars for him. However, I preferred the Aston Martin to a jeep any day.

We snuck upstairs as quietly as we could. We wanted to get washed up before seeing his family again. I felt rather dirty since I was covered in dry blood and dirt and everything else you could imagine me getting into on a hunt. I say that we snuck up the stairs, but in all honesty – how can you sneak up the stairs when everyone in the house has perfectly abnormal hearing? Yeah, it's kinda hard. So, they knew that we were there... they just understood that we wanted our privacy for the time being. God bless them for leaving us alone!

Edward and I climbed in the shower together. It was innocent enough – we were laughing and having a good time. We threw shampoo at each other, bubbles, soap. Just lots of innocent fun. Personally, it was my favorite way to get cleaned up.

We got dressed quickly and quietly – I put on some of that nice, new lingerie and a pretty dress that Alice had bought me– and went downstairs to see our family. I kept having to remind myself that it was 'our' family, that I was living with them too. It seemed surreal still.

"How is the hunting in this area?" Emmett asked as Edward and I walked into the family room. Edward had his arm around my waist, holding me close to him. We sat down on the couch next to Carlisle, and Edward pulled me onto his lap. I really, really enjoyed living with Edward – had I mentioned that?

"It's great," Edward told his brother.

"Yeah - lots of different things. There were some elk and some bison and... just different things." I hoped that Emmett liked bison. I guess that he didn't really have a choice. I guess the thing about being a vegetarian vampire was that you adapted pretty quickly to the surroundings that you were in and learned to like a different array of food.

"Did you see any grizzlies?" Emmett asked quickly. I could tell that was all that he really cared about. Edward's booming laugh coursed through my ears, and Emmett wore a slightly putout face. After he made that expression, we all started to laugh. Emmett, of course, crossed his arms across his chest – as if he could really be mad!

I guess the thing about Emmett was that he wasn't really scary. Sure, he was still just as big as he had been when I had first met him..., but when you're indestructible, too, you kind of don't really worry about Emmett. I could totally see, though, why people would shy away from Emmett especially.

"There could be grizzlies, but I didn't see any," I offered as everyone's laughter broke off. Emmett seemed pleased with that answer.

"I still don't see why you like grizzlies so much," Rose said from her position next to Emmett. I kind of sided with Rose, but kind of didn't. I knew that the chase was always one of the more fun things, but I wasn't quite sure why Emmett had liked grizzlies so much in his first life, anyway. Didn't normal humans stay away from things like that? Humans were so... fragile... and grizzlies... well, weren't.

"Because, they take you by complete surprise – they put up a good fight," he said impatiently. I could tell that he had probably already been over this with Rose several times. "Like this," he added before pouncing on Jasper.

There were loud, fierce growls coming from the two boys who were rolling around on the ground. I could tell that they were snapping at each other – however playful it might be, I still wouldn't want to be in-between them at the current moment – and scratching at each other. It was actually quite interesting to watch, just 'cos they were so big and fierce.

"Alright boys, that's quite enough," Esme called to her sons.

They didn't stop. They just continued to roll around on the floor. I glanced at Alice and Rose; Rose rolled her eyes at the boys and her arms were folded impatiently across her chest while Alice had a grin on her face. I stole a quick glance at Edward, and I could see the lust in his eyes – he wanted to be in on the action again. Esme, obviously, wasn't pleased with how her sons were behaving and Carlisle had his hands up to his temple, as if he were massaging it.

"Boys! Enough is enough!" Esme called, clapping her hands loudly.

_That_ got the boys to stop. They stopped rolling around and pulled away from each other so that they were both sitting on their asses, putting their weight on their hands, which were behind them a bit. It looked somewhat casual, and you would never have been able to tell that they had been 'fighting' except that Jasper's shirt had a rather large rip across the front of it and Emmett's pants seemed to totally be destroyed. Their hair was a bit disheveled, too.

"Sorry, mom," they replied in unison.

"They didn't do any harm to each other. It's fine, Esme," I heard Carlisle murmur softly to his wife. He took her hand gently and held onto it. You could just _see_ how much they loved each other. It was very cute.

"You boys will be helping me with my garden for the next couple of days," Esme threatened. A look of shock passed from Emmett's face to Jasper's. "I've got a lot of plants that need to be planted since the old owner didn't keep up the garden properly – _AND YOU STOP THAT THIS INSTANT, JASPER_!"

Jasper grinned sheepishly at his mother. I could tell just by the look on Esme's face that Jasper had been trying to use his power to worm them out of their situation. It was kind of hilarious, in a way. "Sorry, mom," he repeated.

Esme no longer seemed cross, though, so perhaps she forgot about the threat that she made. Or... not.

"Come along, boys. We can start to garden tonight. Alice said that it'll be sunny tomorrow, so we won't be able to do it then." Emse stood up and started out towards the back porch. I had seen the area where she wanted her garden, and I knew that it wouldn't take long for her to work her magic on that area.

"Best follow after your mother – it'll make it less painful," Carlisle advised, winking at his sons.

"This ought to be fun. Care to watch, Alice?" Rose asked her sister as she stood up. She was going to follow her husband out, and probably heckle him to death. That _would_ be fun to watch, though I wasn't sure if I would be going out.

"Sure. Just a second, though," she told Rose. Rose nodded and gave me a kind smile as she made her way out of the house. I watched Jasper and Emmett's retreating backs. They were bickering amongst themselves about whose fault it was; Jasper was currently 'winning'.

"I'll be in my office if anyone needs me," Carlisle replied airily. He knew that no one would bother him unless it was extremely important. Carlisle left the room quietly and I was quite sure that he was up the stairs and in his office before the boys had even finished walking to the garden. They were going _awfully_ slow.

"Edward?" Alice was asking for his attention, I supposed.

"Yeah?" he asked, sightly caught off guard. I wondered what she had to tell her brother that she couldn't just think.

"The thing that you asked me about...," she stated slowly. I was focusing on Edward's face at the moment; his eyes seemed to get wide with acknowledgment, but they quickly returned to normal. He kept the rest of his face neutral.

"Yes," he responded, his eyes on hers.

"Well, tomorrow – with the sun and all – will be the best day for it," she concluded. "I better go make sure that Esme doesn't kill Jasper, too much, anyway."

"Thanks, Alice," Edward called after his sister's retreating back. I saw her raise a hand in reply as if to wave his comment off, and then she was gone.

"What was that about? What are you planning?" I asked. My eyes were narrow and my arms were now across my chest– what did Edward want to know from Alice?

"You'll find out eventually," he said lightly before blowing his breath gently into my face and then kissing me.

"Oh, I just _hate_ it when you dazzle me like that!"

Edward's booming laugh was the last thing that I heard before being attacked with a fury of kisses.


	16. Chapter 16

Stephenie Meyer owns all of the rights.

_He was my best friend. I would always love him, and it would never, ever be enough._  
– _New Moon_

Edward had gotten me into Emmett's off roading car before dawn. Even though it was still dark out, you could tell that it was going to be a clear day; there were no visible clouds against the midnight blue sky. The stars reflected large amounts of light, and I felt awestruck. It was so rare for me to be able to see the stars. I always lived where you couldn't see them.

I was still in the dark, so to speak, as to where we were going today. Edward, along with the rest of his family, had been keeping tight lips on the subject every time that I asked one of them. Alice, cryptic as ever, told me, "you'll know soon enough." Even Emmett and Jasper seemed to be more interested in gardening than answering my questions!

"Why can't we just run?" I asked Edward; we were equal, for the most part, when it came to strength. He was still faster than me, but not by much. Edward had always been one of the fastest vampires that I had met.

"You'll see, Silly Bella," he teased, bringing up an old nickname. I rolled my eyes.

"Fine," I replied with resignation as he parked the car at the bottom of a wooded hill. I had a feeling that we would be running through the dense forest. That didn't bother me, though. I had become rather graceful with running since Edward last knew me. A _lot_ more graceful. I wasn't clumsy anymore. Well, for the most part, anyway. Silly Bella still had her moments, though.

Edward led the way to wherever we were going. It wasn't hard to keep up to him, though I could tell that he was going slower than he normally did. I knew that he could go a lot faster than he was going, but I was also thankful that he wasn't going _too_ fast. It was my luck to get lost in the woods... then I'd have to track Edward to find him... and I was still hell bent on never using that talent again.

Edward stopped running altogether, and I was far enough behind him that I was able to stop before slamming into his back or something (not that it would hurt, but I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate it, either). He reached his arm behind him, extending his hand for me to take. I took it and he immediately pulled me to his side.

"Bella," he whispered my name and I could see that the trees were now thinning and leading out to an empty field. It wasn't exactly like the one that was in Forks, but it was somewhat similar. The grass here was almost like wheat grass and was shin high, probably. It was bending slightly as a breeze rippled through the otherwise calm air. It was beautiful; that was, until I noticed something.

"Edward, why isn't the sun out?" I was confused. Alice had said that it would be sunny today; I had been looking to the sun very much so. The way that it warmed my skin was beautiful, and I loved knowing that it looked like a million shards of diamonds were bouncing off of me.

More than the confusing surging through my small body was the hurt and upset and disappointment. I really, really was looking forward to the sun. I looked up at Edward's face, trying to gauge his reaction, but he didn't seem troubled with there being no sun.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" I heard his melodic voice ask.

"Yes, it is... Edward, where is the sun that Alice promised?"

He shrugged. "It'll come out later, I suppose. Come, though," he said as he tugged me towards the meadow. "I want to talk to you."

Edward led me through the grass towards the center of the meadow. I saw a plaid blanket stretched out across some of the high grass, forcing it down. Edward motioned for me to sit down on it, so I did. He plopped down next to me – graceful as always. He brought his hand up to my face and gently stroked my cheek. That _almost_ made up for the lack of sun..., but I was still pretty bummed out.

"Bella, I don't... I don't know how to say this."

"What, Edward?" I kept my tone even and my face straight, but panic surged through my body. What if he didn't think that this was going to work out? What if this was horrible for him? What if he didn't want me – didn't love me– as much as I loved him? Go ahead and laugh at my panic; I was the one who had been struggling to live for the past 50 years since he left. I wouldn't try to do that again; I would go to the Volturi if I had to. I knew how to provoke them... I had never seen anyone actually do it, but in theory it was easy enough.

I would just have to go and taunt them – beg to die, first. If that didn't work, I could kill in their city. I knew how protective they were of it. Or, perhaps I could do something stupid that would cause them to panic... Yes, that would work. Reigning havoc across a city was easy when you had virtually unlimited strength.

Edward's melodic voice brought me back to the present. "Bella, I love you. I... I need to work out how to say this." He let out a frustrated breath of air; I could tell that he had rehearsed something in his head, but clearly it wasn't going to work out like he had planned. I wondered why not.

I was happy, though, while he was taking his few seconds to himself. Did you hear him say that he loved me? Of course I hadn't missed that; it had caused my heart to swell with even more love for Edward Cullen. I loved it – I loved feeling his love. It was the reason that I lived (if you called this living).

"Okay, if you're willing to listen to my ramblings," Edward said, to tell me that he had sorted out his thoughts.

"Of course I am. And, Edward? They aren't ramblings. I'm sure that whatever you've got to say has meaning to it."

He gave me a crooked smile. I loved the way that it met his topaz eyes. He was so beautiful. Even though I knew that I was more beautiful than when Edward and I had met, I still felt plain. I wasn't anywhere near as beautiful as Edward. There was no way possible. He was so beautiful that it hurt. I was pretty enough, but... not like Edward. Oh well, we can't have it all.

"Bella, I love you so much. The past fifty years have been spent in my own personal hell. I say this because I created the situation in which my personal hell expanded. While you were with me, I might have been a monster, I might have been in hell, but I was happy. After I told you those filthy lies, I wanted no longer to exist–"

I had to cut him off. He was blaming himself again, and that wasn't healthy or fair. We had both made our choices. It wasn't his fault that Jasper had attacked me or that I had gotten the paper cut in the first place; that could have happened to anyone (especially me) on any other day. Jasper was always more sensitive to human blood than the rest of them, anyway. He couldn't blame himself for this.

"Edward, it's not like that. Please, I thought that we were past you blaming yourself. That's not fair at all. It... I... Edward, just don't blame yourself," I pleaded with my stubborn boyfriend.

"Fine," he resigned. I saw him close his pensive eyes once more and then continue with his words. "Anyway, I've decided something. But then Carlisle pointed out that it wasn't any fair if you didn't have a say in this, too. I mean, this directly affects your personal life too. Regardless of everything – I want to know something. How much do you love me?"

I stared at him for a second before I realized that he was being serious.

"Edward, I love you more than I can describe. You're the reason that I kept on going for so many years. You're the reason that I don't hunt humans. You're the reason... that _I am._ Other than you, there's nothing in my life that is strong enough to hold me here." I reached out and gently touched his cheek.

Edward truly was the reason that I was. I couldn't have a better reason, either. I had decided that a long time ago. If there was no Edward Cullen in existence, there would be no Bella Swan in existence, either.

"That's all I needed to know," Edward murmured. He leaned forward to kiss me for a brief moment. It was too brief, but it wasn't rushed. I knew that his hold on me was more permanent than anything that I could have ever imagined for me. He had this pull on me that was magical, if that was the proper word.

"Isabella Marie Swan," he started. My eyes must have widened a bit, because as he said my name softly, the breeze rippled through the grass and the clouds broke so that beams of sun carelessly fell against us. We were both sparkling diamonds. He paused for a moment, smiling as he reached and touched my diamond skin. It was so beautiful– the way that we looked. The warmth of the sun felt good against me, too.

He started again, "Isabelle Marie Swan, will you marry me?" He had swiftly pulled a ring out of his pocket as his voice shook when he asked the question.

I threw myself forward, planting kisses against his lips, his skin... anything on him that I could contact with my lips.

I suppose somewhere amongst the many kisses, I might have murmured a 'yes' or two.


	17. Chapter 17

Stephenie Meyer owns all of the rights.

– if you want to see the dress, tell me so in your review and I'll PM you the link.

"_I've never seen anyone so prone to life-threatening idiocy."_

– _New Moon_

Over the next few weeks, I spent a great amount of time studying the ring that Edward had slipped onto my finger. It was a silver band with several small emeralds built into it. I loved it. It had an antique feel, but it was also very fashionable. Esme had confided in me that it had been Edward's mother's ring; Carlisle had taken it off of her finger before he slipped Edward out the morgue door. That intrigued me, but Edward didn't really want to talk about it. I was okay with that because he was happy, I was happy, life was great... Honestly.

Okay, who was I kidding? Life was insane!

Of course everyone (but me) knew that Edward was going to propose. And as soon as I had accepted his offer, Alice had been able to tell everyone that I had said 'yes' to the youngest son. I couldn't believe how _happy_ Esme and Alice and Rose were. It was fantastic – a real bonding experience, if you asked me.

Okay, actually it was really chaotic, if you asked me. It was insanely chaotic, actually. I didn't care for it at all. It was insane! Yes, I was ecstatic at the thought of marrying Edward, my love... but I didn't want to do anything that Alice and Rose (and Esme, but not as forcefully) were suggesting... like trying on a million different wedding gowns that looked exactly the same as the last (to me, anyway) or picking out colors for a wedding or anything like that. I _hated_ it, truly.

It was stressful!

Silly me for thinking that I could hide my distress, too.

"Bella," Jasper said to me one day as I sat on the ground, flipping through yet another _Modern Bride_ magazine. My head snapped up, to attention. My eyes were unfocused for a moment - a wave of bows and frills still flying before them – before I nodded to let him know that he had my attention. "You're too stressed."

"Huh?" was about the only comprehendible sentence that I could muster.

"Stop stressing. You know you can always tell them to back off," he reminded me as I felt calmed. I knew he was purposefully trying to calm me down, but it was nice, so I wouldn't argue with that!

"I guess so," I admitted, shifting the magazine out of view in a guilty manner.

"Really, Bells," he said fondly, using the nickname that Edward had given to me. "You don't have to go through with a big shindig, if you don't want to. I mean, Rose and Emmett do every so often - but that's them. Esme and Carlisle and Alice and I aren't constantly getting remarried. That's just for Rose and Emmett. If you don't want it to be some big deal, then don't let it be. You're definitely old enough to make your own decisions," he added with a chuckle.

Yes, I was old enough.

But was I strong enough? I didn't want to kill that light that Esme had in her eyes when she talked about the wedding. And Alice was way too excited, too. And so was Rose – we were finally accepting that it had always been our fate to be sisters. To some level – a very shallow level – Rose did care about me. But that's how she cared about everyone, Emmett excluded. She thought very highly of herself, though, which could be rather annoying sometimes.

"Bella!" Alice screeched, running into the room from the hall way. I visibly winced – I had good hearing, too. We didn't need to run around the house screaming at each other!

"I'll let you ladies to it," Jasper told me with a wink. Under his breath, he added to me, "Remember, you don't have to do this if you don't want to."

It's not that I didn't want to marry Edward. I did, more so than anything. But I didn't really want such a big affair. I didn't really have a reason to. The only people that would be coming were the Cullen's. I had no other vampire friends. Perhaps, though, Edward would want to invite those from Denali. I hadn't asked him about it. But that'd be what? 12 people, including Edward and I, in attendance? That, I could deal with...

"Bella!" I heard the wave of excitement quiver through Alice's voice and I directed my attention back to her.

"Yes, Alice?" I inquired, though I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the news.

"I've found the _perfect_ dress for you. You'll just _love_ it."

"Is it to _die_ for?" I asked, attempting some humor. She just shot me a look and pretended as if I hadn't spoken.

"Come," she said, pulling me up off the floor and towards the staircase. She dragged me up the stairs and to her room as fast as she possibly could with me dragging my heels, so to speak.

"What did you see, Alice?" I tried again. New wording. Same meaning.

"Look!" She exclaimed this latest statement as she plopped me in front of her computer screen.

I rolled my eyes up to the screen and thought perhaps my jaw had dropped in shock. _This_ was the most beautiful dress that I had seen since we started to do a silly dress search. It was simple, yet elegant... and it was something that I felt as if I could pull off. I wouldn't look as gorgeous as the model in the photo – of course not – but... I would feel pretty.

"What do you think?" Alice asked me with a grin.

I had to restrain myself from touching the photo of the dress on the computer screen.

"It's beautiful," I responded in barely a whisper; I was breathless.

The dress was so white, it was awing. It was perhaps a shade or two lighter than my pale, colorless skin. It was strapless with a "scalloped sweetheart" neckline. On the front, extending from the top of the dress to perhaps the midriff, was a floral-vine design in a rich, red color. It wasn't fire engine red or anything – it was just a beautiful red. I loved it. I wanted it. I looked at the price – just under $400 – and knew that I could have it.

If there was any such thing, I knew that it was the perfect wedding dress for a vampire.

"I want it," I told a grinning Alice.

"Good – I made you an appointment to have it fitted in thirty minutes," she informed me as she tugged me away from the computer screen and into her car. Ugh- Alice was going to be the death of me.

Rosalie and Esme were coming along, too, as "moral support". That's how they put it, at any rate. They "oohed" and "awed" at the dress when I tried it on. I must say, with my pale skin and dark hair and unusual colored eyes, it looked beautiful. And that was me being _modest_. There were no alterations that needed to be made, much to my surprise. I loved the dress, I loved how beautiful I felt in it, and I knew that if I wore it to our wedding, Edward would love it, too.

Alice bought it right there on the spot. We whisked it away to home and hid it in the closet. The girls kept their minds on other things for the rest of the day (and evening) so that Edward couldn't see what the dress looked like.

As insane as it sounded, I was getting married and I was enjoying the thought more and more every day!


	18. Chapter 18

Stephenie Meyer owns all of the rights.

"_Enough for forever."_

– _Twilight_

It seemed pointless to have a "real" wedding; Alice and Rose were my bridesmaids, Emmet was the ring bearer (or as he emphasized it, "Ring **Bear**er"), Jasper was Edward's best man and Carlisle was residing over the union (Who knew that Carlisle had, in fact, received certification to marry people?!). Esme, along with those from Denali, were sitting on a couple of chairs that had been set up for them.

It was taking place in the backyard at the Cullen's house.

A small affair, definitely.

In an odd way, though, it was perfect.

I walked down the "aisle" by myself, my head held high. I hadn't needed a man to walk me down the aisle. I knew that I could do it myself; I could give myself to Edward, his for all of eternity. I saw his eyes flash with a smile as he saw me in my dress; Esme, Rose and Alice had down a wonderful job at keeping their minds hidden when it came to the dress that I was wearing.

Edward was wearing a black tuxedo. It looked brilliant on him, of course. There was a red rose on his lapel. I think that Alice probably suggested it. It matched the red on my dress perfectly. He was wearing my favorite, crooked smile, too.

As I got to where he and Carlisle were standing, waiting for me, he reached out his hand to take mine. With his other hand, he lifted up the veil that concealed my face behind it. I smiled shyly at Edward before we both turned to face Carlisle, our father.

I couldn't get the smile off of my face. I had waited my whole eternity for this. I could tell that Edward was smiling, too. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that Alice and Rosalie were grinning like mad. I could only guess at the expression on Esme's face; I assumed that she was probably dry sobbing or something. Jasper, too, was smiling and I felt so happy; while the majority of that was rightfully my own emotion, I was sure that he had something to do with some of it, too.

Carlisle's words went by pretty quickly. I hardly knew it, but soon, Emmett was brining up the rings. He handed one to Edward rather quickly. He took a moment to hand me mine. The smile on his face was so bright. He quickly left the "alter" area where we were standing and sat down next to Esme - who was, in fact, dry sobbing.

Edward murmured a couple of words, mimicking whatever Carlisle was saying, and slipped the ring onto my finger. I glanced down at the ring for a second. I was moved at the sheer beauty that the ring had. It was a silver band and did not have a big stone on the center of it; instead, built into the band, were alternating diamond-emerald stones. I found it a lot more attractive than a big stone and I loved it immensely.

Inscribed inside of Edward's ring were the words "Our love is forever". His ring, too, was a silver band. It was one of the most simple bands I had seen - nothing to say that it was a wedding ring except for the words inside of it. I knew that Edward would like it, though, because..., well, he would. I hadn't wanted to get him anything extravagant out of fear that he wouldn't like it. I saw him, too, glance at the ring and he gave me a beautiful smile.

We exchanged our vows, kisses, and soon it was time for the "Par-tay!" as Emmet exclaimed. I wasn't sure how a party like this would go, but I had a feeling that the Cullen's had done it several times before (at least! Rose and Emmett had married each other how many times?!).

"Bella, you're so beautiful," Esme chocked out. She was so happy for Edward and I that she had spent most of the ceremony sobbing in silence. Esme reached out to touch my arm gently, and then she pulled me into a motherly hug. I loved her so.

"Thank you, Esme. You look beautiful too," I murmured back, appreciatively.

She took a step back from me, touching my cheek gently. Her gaze stayed on me for a moment before she turned back to Carlisle, who was talking to Edward. Before I could hear what Carlisle was saying to his youngest son, Rose and Emmett bounded forward.

Okay - Rose glided and Emmett bounded. I grinned. I hugged Rose and Emmett both.

"You did a nice job, Emmett, at being the ring bearer," I congratulated him. I was honestly pleased that he hadn't screwed up or anything. I knew that job was almost impossible to screw up, but lets face it! We _were_ dealing with Emmett after all! I admit that I had my doubts when Edward told me what Emmett was going to be doing in our wedding.

"Thanks, Bella. You know that I never pass up the opportunity to be a _bear_er of any kind!"

I groaned at his pun.

Only him.

"We've got you and Edward a gift," Rose announced happily. My eyes narrowed and I crossed my arms across my chest – I had said that we wanted "no gifts" from anyone. "Oh, come on, Bella. We _wanted_ to. We've been waiting _forever _for Edward to get married, and we're happy that it finally has happened!"

"Edward, bro! Come here!" Emmett called. He needn't have yelled, but he did anyway. Some days..., I wondered how old Emmett _really_ was. Today, I was leaning towards "two".

Edward nodded one last thing to Carlisle and joined us. His arm wrapped itself around my waist and he pulled me close. "What's up?"

Instead of telling him, Rose something to him. Edward caught the keys – I heard the all knowing jingle – and grinned wildly. I couldn't see what they were keys to..., but knowing Rose, I shouldn't have wondered.

"Sweet– the new Aston Martin?" Edward wondered out loud.

"The very best for my baby brother... and sister. It's got a V-12 engine..." Rose's voice droned on about the car that Edward was salivating over. I heard her finish with a smug, "It's not even out to the public yet."

Alice and Jasper were the next to join us. They, thankfully, hadn't gotten a present for us. Just a hug and a kiss from each of them. They were so happy for us; though, Jasper warned Edward, that he wouldn't put up with all this 'love, love, love' emotion for too long. It was too nauseating – I think that was the word he used. I laughed, though. I loved Jasper.

Tanya and her Denali coven came to wish us the best, too. They were very pleasant people. I had met them several times before when I had been passing through their coven. They had always been careful not to mention the Cullen family around me – and I suppose that they had been very careful not to mention me around the Cullen family.

Later that night, when we were alone, Edward slipped off my ring and held it up to me. In the dim light, I could see what was inscribed on the inside. I pulled him into a tight hug as I read the word and realized how true it was. I loved this man.

_Eternity_.


	19. Chapter 19

Stephenie Meyer owns all of the rights.

_I remembered the first day I'd come to Forks High School—how desperately I'd wished that I could turn gray, fade into the wet concrete of the sidewalk like an oversized chameleon. It seemed I was getting that wish answered, a year late._

– _New Moon_

A hundred years later found me gently padding through the dense forest in Forks, Washington. The forest that grew wildly offered me a lot of protection from the falling rain; no matter how much everything else in my life had changed, I could always count on Forks to bring the rain.

This was the first time since I had been changed that I had been back in Forks to stay. We had, once again, enrolled in high school here. The Cullen family - I mean. No one remembered the family that had once lived here, one hundred and fifty years prior to this. No one remembered the god-like beauty that everyone in the family, though all adopted, seemed to hold.

The only ones who remembered us were the wolves.

A representative from the pack had come to meet with us on one of our first days back. I remembered having to do a double take of the man; he was the spitting image of my Jacob. Later, when he said his name – William – Will– Black – I felt numb. So that's why he looked so much like Jacob – he was related.

That brought about me several different emotions. First, shame: Jacob had married and loved someone else, but I was sure that he didn't love them half as much as he loved me. Then that slipped into anger – at Victoria; if she hadn't bitten me, I would have been enough for Jake (though, in retrospect, I'm glad to have Edward). Finally, relief: I was happy for Jacob; I had felt guilty for many, many years – much longer than your existence, anyway – that I wasn't able to give him my own love.

It was no surprise, however, that being back in Forks had brought a bunch of long-dead emotions. The sense of loss (the last time I had been here, both my father and Jacob had been alive), confusion (I wondered what ever _had_ happened to Jacob – I hope that he lived a full, happy life) and security (Forks was, after all, where everything had started for me).

I hesitated for a second as I got to the edge of the forest. Out of habit, I took a deep breath into my lungs and closed my eyes. I counted to three before I took another step.

Blinking, I opened my eyes. I knew where I was: The Cemetery.

I closed my eyes again and felt my feet glide underneath me. I wouldn't call this tracking – I had thought about it many times in my own mind. I had known, when I "died", that Charlie owned a small plot of land by his parents for his own burial. I spent many sleepless nights plotting out my "homecoming" of sorts. I needed to say goodbye to my father – irregardless of how many years had passed.

I blinked, my eyes fluttering open once more.

I saw the familiar stone that was Charlie's parents. I had visited this place several times, as a young girl who spent her summers in Forks. Though the memories were faded, much like a photograph fades over time, I had dim memories of this place. Yes, their names were still on the stones, just as memory served itself.

My eyes moved to the next stone. I stared for a second, not believing the name on it.

It read:

_Isabella Swan_

_Beloved Daughter_

_September 13, 1987 – March 11, 2004_

March 11th hadn't been the date that I "died". Not if I remembered correctly. It was just off a bit – perhaps that had been the date when the case had closed and they declared me dead. I knew that as a police man, Charlie knew what my chances were of finding me alive even just three days after I had disappeared. The date on the tombstone was more generous – about two and a half months, if memory served correctly.

Something inside of me told me that someone else had suggested to "bury" me, even without a body. I couldn't see Charlie giving up on me that easily. Something in the back of my mind told me that he had done it because Billy or Jacob or even Renee had wanted him too. I knew, however, deep down that he hadn't given up on me.

My eyes flashed to the tombstone next to that. Charlie's. My heart broke as I read what was written on the granite.

_Charlie Swan_

_Devoted father and friend_

_April 21, 1964 – May 16, 2005_

He had died young. Perhaps suddenly, even. I knew in the back of my mind that it was my "disappearance" that had done it in for him. I knew that to the core of my being. And, I hated myself for it. If I had only been able to master control sooner... if I had only been able to be brave enough to send one postcard, one letter, one e-mail... one phone call... perhaps he would have lived longer. Not happy, no. But he would have been able to cope and survive.

All my tabs on Charlie, all the resources that I had, had told me that he lived a very full life. But this, on the other hand, told me otherwise. I had been rather naive to believe that he had lived a complete life, but what choice had I? I hadn't seen this grave site before, I hadn't been back in Forks before.

With a heavy heart, I knew that I had one more stop to make in the cemetery before I left for home.

It didn't take long to find it, although the tombstone itself was covered over with ivy by now. I pulled the ivy away, pushing it to the side of the tombstone as it ripped from it's roots easily in my strong grasp. My eyes ached to take the information in.

_Jacob Black_

_Beloved Husband and Father_

_January 10, 1990 –_ _June 31, 2071_

I felt a little pull of triumph on my heart. He had lived a long, full life. I was happy about that. He had deserved all the love and happiness and length of a life that he could get. And my eyes brightened again as I read the name that lie next to his.

_Alexandra Black_

_Beloved Mother and Wife_

_August 19, 1992 – August 31, 2071_

She hadn't been as old as Jake, but she hadn't outlived him by much, either. I always thought it was so romantic when couples grew old together and then died within a year or so of each other. Like one had died from the heartbreak of losing their loved one. It was really sadistic of me, I know... but when you couldn't die, what did it matter to you if you thought something like that was romantic?

Yeah, I guess I was slightly sadistic.

Feeling a little brave, I pressed my cool lips to the granite stone where Jacob's name was. How I missed my best friend. I shot up quickly, though. I heard someone's light footsteps coming towards me, and I knew who it was. I arranged myself so that it looked like I was just kneeling in front of Jacob's headstone. I didn't feel guilty for kissing it, just a little embarrassed.

"Bella?" I heard the velvet tone call out with complete certainty. He needn't ask if it was me, he already knew.

"You found it." I heard Edward say from behind me as I stood up. The tone inhis voice sounded relieved. I think that he had been afraid that I wouldn't have found it. In all certainty, it would have been worse if I hadn't found it. I wouldn't have gotten the closure that I had wanted or needed.

"Yeah," I murmured my agreement. I _had_ found what I was looking for. I turned around to face my husband. He was still brilliantly young and beautiful. I couldn't have loved him more. It still felt amazing that he wanted me – that he still chose me.

"Let's go home," he declared, taking my hand in his.

"Okay."

I hesitated for a second, my eyes glancing back at Jacob's name.

"Bella?" Edward noticed my hesitation, of course.

I turned my attention back to Edward, a smile on my face. "Thank you," I told him. My smile became even larger as I saw him the confusion spelled out on his face.

"For what?" he asked as he pulled me closer to his body. His eyes held mine, and I planted a kiss on his lush lips. My voice was barely a whisper when I finally answered him.

"_Eternity._"

_Fin._


End file.
